


Soulmates never die

by Drago



Category: EXO (Band), Kris Wu (Musician), Z.Tao (Musician)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Aromantic Characters, Asphyxiation, Blowjobs, Discrimination, F/M, M/M, Multi, SeTao, Sebaek - Freeform, Soulmates, TaoHun - Freeform, TaoRis - Freeform, Threesome - M/M/M, Unrequited Love, Yifan is a bit of a dick, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-14 19:26:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17514521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drago/pseuds/Drago
Summary: Zitao's soulmate doesn't come to find him, so he moves to Korea in hopes of starting over.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Huang Zitao is twenty-five, and he is not old. For all intents and purposes, he is still a young man, just starting to make his own mark on the world that surrounds him. He sees a young man every time he looks in the mirror, and he looks a lot.  
But he is twenty-five, and he still didn’t find his soulmate. Most people meet their soulmates before they turn eighteen, twenty at the latest. Only some have to wait longer, but only if their soulmate is younger. His isn’t, the mark appeared when it was supposed to.  
He was so excited when a name appeared on his wrist, written in his soulmate’s – admittedly ugly, handwriting. But it’s been ten years, and he no longer feels happy when he looks at his wrist. He did everything he was supposed to do, created a profile in the international registry and diligently browsed it almost every day, looking for his _Wu Yifan_. But the right characters never showed up. This… Yifan has to be alive, otherwise the name would have disappeared, but it’s still there, mocking Tao every day. His soulmate, for some reason, decided not to find him, and the rejection hurts more than he wants to admit. He knows everyone can tell anyway, he is as easy to read like a child.  
“I’m moving to Seoul,” he announces one day, his parents and his best friend ChenChen stopping mid-chew to stare at him. It would be quite hilarious, if he could feel anything close to happiness at the moment. “I got a job offer there.”  
“Seoul? But… your soulmate is Chinese...”  
Zitao could point out that Chinese people can be found everywhere in the world, or that Korea really isn’t that far, but he isn’t feeling very generous, so he settles on, “Well, my soulmate doesn’t give a shit about me, so why would I wait for him?”  
ChenChen rubs his knee soothingly, and Zitao can only hope his smile isn’t too hollow.  
He moves to Seoul next week and starts working almost immediately. His Korean is decent, not that he needs it much as a wushu instructor, his boss is really nice, and so is the flat he prepared for Tao. It’s cozy, but pretty small, but it’s not like he is going to share it with anyone. Unless another unlucky, wounded soul lands on his doorstep, and they can pretend that the names on their wrists don’t matter.  
Sometimes, Zitao wishes his soulmate really was dead. He would be completely free then, and people would pity him, rather than assume that there is something wrong with him. Not having a mate at his age is a clear indicator that something is not right. Tao knows he looks dark, he knows people assume things about him.  
The worst part is that he already feels something for the man he’s never seen before, he knows how good soulmate relationships are – his parents have been together for over thirty years, and they still worship each other. It makes him wonder why his soulmate can’t see it, why would he make a conscious decision to hurt Tao. He stares at the name, but it holds no answers.

Zitao mostly works with children and teenagers up to the age of fourteen, and he enjoys it more than working with adults. He is, or at least used to be, a people-person, but nowadays he gets annoyed with adults, especially if they like to talk about their soulmates. Because _they_ found their soulmates, he thinks bitterly. Kids don’t care, for them, it’s something that’s going to happen one day, but it doesn’t really concern them yet. They care more about high-kicks than kissing, and Tao is fine with that. He doesn’t care much for kissing either.  
He tries not to play favorites at work, but it’s difficult when some of his students are so cute. Especially Hajoon, with his pudgy arms and slightly protruding ears. The five-year-old seems to like him as well, always clinging to him, asking for hugs and kisses. That’s why he doesn’t mind staying after work with the boy when his mom is late. Hajoon doesn’t cry, too busy playing with a panda plushie Zitao found in his bag. He doesn’t mind the wait, because there is nothing else he could be doing. He needs to buy groceries, but it’s not even five yet, and he doesn’t have any friends in Korea that are waiting for him.  
“Hajoon!” a man suddenly calls, and Tao looks up, squinting his eyes a bit. Definitely not Hajoon’s mum, but he sees the resemblance. It’s mostly the ears, even more protruding than Hajoon’s.  
“Yeollie!” Hajoon screams before running towards the man, who picks him up with a laugh. Zitao also gets up from a squat and walks closer. He needs to make sure that the man is on the list of people allowed to pick Hajoon up.  
“Hello, I’m Huang Zitao, Hajoon’s teacher. Are you his dad?”  
“N… no, I’m his uncle. Yoora, my sister, can’t pick him up today. Park Chanyeol.”  
Chanyeol has a big hand, and he almost crushes Tao’s fingers with his vigorous handshake.  
“Oh, alright then, I remember seeing your name on the list,” he says with his best teacher smile and then turns to his pupil. “See you on Friday, Hajoon. Remember to practice your kicks at home! And don’t hurt anyone! Have a good day!”  
Zitao is about to turn, when Chanyeol grabs him by the elbow to stop him.  
“Wait! Did you say that your name is Huang Zitao?”  
“Yes. Is that a problem?”  
He eyes the man suspiciously, hoping to avoid any race-related incidents with someone related to his favorite student.  
“No, no problem at all. See you soon!” Chanyeol smiles at him brightly, and Tao finds himself smiling back, since the man really resembles Hajoon a lot.  
They see each other three days later, and Zitao lets himself admire Chanyeol’s broad shoulders for a second. The man is slightly taller than him, and while he could probably easily take him down – Chanyeol seems a bit clumsy, it doesn’t stop him from fantasizing what would it be like to find himself under the other man. It’s a brief thought, because Chanyeol also seems like someone who cares a lot about soulmates, and Tao would never destroy it for another person. He can stew in his own bitterness, but he refuses to drag other people down.  
Belatedly, he realizes that Chanyeol isn’t alone this time. He takes a good look at the other person, and his heart starts beating twice as fast, or at least it feels this way. He doesn’t know how he could miss someone so tall and striking. The man has bleached-blond hair and a jaw so sharp that Zitao could probably cut himself on it. His dick stirs in his pants, and he hopes no one can see it, it would be really awkward, especially since he is still holding Hajoon’s hand. It doesn’t happen very often to him. He doesn’t remember the last time the attraction was this strong even before they exchange a greeting.  
“Hi! I’m sorry I’m late again, but I really wanted you to meet my friend,” Chanyeol’s smile is so wide it’s almost splitting his face in half. Somehow, instead of being creepy, it’s cute. “Huang Zitao, meet Wu Yifan!”  
Zitao drops Hajoon’s hand and takes a step back. Then another. In front of him is a man, who wouldn’t give him a chance. His soulmate. Yifan looks as shocked as Tao feels, and the tight set of his lips shows that he isn’t quite happy with the meeting.  
“Yifan has been trying to find you _for ages_. Why aren’t you in the registry?”  
“I am.”  
“Oh? Oh man, you should probably email the admins to tell them there is a bug, you never showed up in Yifan’s search.”  
“Funny that,” Tao mutters, staring into his soulmate’s eyes, who at least has the decency to look ashamed.

It doesn’t take long to figure out why Yifan, who goes as Kris in Korea, didn’t want to find him. He already fancies himself in love with someone, who most definitely isn’t Tao. Chanyeol drops them off at a small, cozy coffee shop, and the atmosphere is thick. Zitao silently stares at his matcha latte, waiting for Yifan to do something, anything. After all, he isn’t the one who rejected his soulmate even before they met, so why would he reach out first?  
But Yifan is stubbornly silent as well, and Tao finally looks up. He wonders, if the other man is disappointed with him. Tao looks nothing like the man his soulmate loves, not even close.  
Sadly, Zitao likes what he sees a bit too much. Yifan’s hands are nice and big, they would fit perfectly on his slim waist, around his thighs. And his long fingers…  
“So you didn’t want to find me.”  
“I… no, it’s not that.”  
“You don’t have to pretend, Kris. If you wanted to meet me, you would have registered years ago.”  
“Okay. No, I didn’t want to find you, I’m already in love, and this soulmate thing is bullshit,” Yifan raises his chin slightly, obviously expecting a fight.  
“Is it, now? Your parents aren’t soulmates?”  
“My father got my mom pregnant and then left, so much for bonding for life.”  
“Huh. Mine are still happily together. One for one. Anyway, does the love of your life love you back?”  
Yifan’s nostrils flare, but he doesn’t respond..  
“Of course he doesn’t. If he did, he wouldn’t be so quick to introduce you to me. Did he find his soulmate already?”  
The sour look on Yifan’s face tells him everything he needs to know.  
“So you would rather be unhappy watching him love someone else, than give me a chance? You would rather hurt me, because he hurt you? Maybe you are right, maybe we shouldn’t be together. I don’t want someone so cruel as my soulmate.”  
Even though Tao knew Yifan doesn’t want him, he still feels bitter and angry. He knows that, now that he’s met his soulmate, he will never get over him. He gets up, abandoning his mostly full cup, ready to leave. He can spend the rest of his life fucking around and making friends, it’s going to better than whatever scraps Yifan is willing to give him.  
And yet, he still shivers when a big hand wraps around his thin wrist, stopping him from leaving.  
“Can I have your number?”  
Tao’s brain screams at him, but he still notes it down quickly, not looking at the older man.  
“Chanyeol will definitely want us to hang out again, I mean...” Yifan adds, and Tao, _stupid, stupid Tao_ , realizes that there will be no end to his pain. He is finally able to escape after that, hunched over and defeated, tears ready to fall. He is still naive like a child, after all these years.  
Once home, Tao starts writing an email to ChenChen about Yifan, but he ends up deleting the whole thing. He’d rather his family think he never found his soulmate, than pity him because his soulmate doesn’t want him. He still writes an email, cheerfully telling his family how amazing the kids are and how much he misses his mother’s cooking. Everything he writes is true, but it’s not the truth wants to spill.  
Zitao wishes he could immerse himself in work, but it’s not something he can do as a wushu teacher. He can’t bring his work home. So he spends his time enjoying movies on the internet, no longer having to use VPN to access foreign websites. He pretends everything is fine, when Yifan doesn’t text him the next day or the day after that. He shouldn’t have expected anything else, after all, his soulmate didn’t take his number to keep in touch, not the way Tao would want.  
His heart, that silly little thing, still stutters when he finally receives a next, five days after the initial meeting.

 _From: Kris_  
Wanna hang out tomorrow?

 _To: Kris_  
Sure, I guess. I’m free after 5.

 _From: Kris_  
Awesome, I will pick you up at 5:30. Text me your address.

Zitao would be lying if he said he isn’t nervous. His hands are shaking as he picks out clothes, pants slightly too tight and the shirt showing off his sharp collarbones. He almost adds a little bit of an eyeliner to make his eyes pop more, but changes his mind last minute. It would be too obvious that he is trying to impress Yifan. Who definitely isn’t trying to impress him, judging by the clothes he is wearing when he picks Tao up. It’s not that they’re bad, but it’s obvious he didn’t change after work.  
“So where are we going?” he asks, climbing into Yifan’s car. His soulmate must be pretty well-off to be able to afford one of the newest models of Mercedes.  
“Chanyeol and his girlfriend wanted to hang out.”  
If they weren’t driving, Tao would get out of the car and walk back to his flat. If he knew the truth before, he wouldn’t have agreed. And Yifan knows it, judging from the way his whole body tenses.  
“I see. You are such a bitch.”  
“Don’t swear.”  
“Fuck off. I can’t believe I thought you actually wanted to meet me. I’m so fucking stupid.”  
“I told him we’ve been hanging out, talking all the time.”  
“How stupid are you? They are going to see right through it, because we don’t know shit about each other.”  
“We’ve got forty minutes before we have to meet them. Let’s talk.”  
Zitao doesn’t like to be used, not like that. He doesn’t want to pretend that he means anything to Yifan, when it’s painfully obvious that the older man cares only about Chanyeol. But he is still Tao’s soulmate, so he folds like a cheap suit, and tells him as much as he can about his family, ChenChen and everything that’s close to his heart in a very compressed way. Forty minutes aren’t enough, they would never be enough.  
In turn, Yifan tells him about growing up between Guangzhou and Vancouver, his mom, who did everything she could to ensure he never felt like he didn’t belong.  
“I was going to study in Hongkong,” Yifan admits, eyes glues to the road. “But I met Chanyeol in high school, he came to Canada for half a year, and I followed him back to Seoul, finished my studies here.”  
“So we were supposed to meet in Hongkong, since I studied there, but you messed it up. I didn’t even know that could happen.”  
Yifan simply shrugs, as if it’s not a big deal, and maybe for him it isn’t. Tao feels humiliated, because back then he was dreaming every day about meeting his soulmate, pining after the, then-unknown, man, imagining their future together. And Yifan was already in love with someone else, not even sparing a thought for his abandoned soulmate.  
“I work in a lab, we make high-end perfume.”  
“Oh?” he didn’t expect someone like Yifan, who looks like he belongs in an executive suite, to work in a lab.  
“Mhm. You smell familiar.”  
“Black Opium by YSL. But, uhm, the one for women.”  
Yifan chuckles at that, the sound so deep that it brings butterflies to Tao’s stomach.  
“You do smell softer than I expected, after seeing you. Your face is quite sharp. Chanyeol prefers stronger scents, he recommended some of his favorites to me, so I’m wearing that. I think that strong, manly scents boost your confidence.”  
“Maybe you and Chanyeol need faux confidence, but I’ve got enough of it, even if I don’t smell like a man,” Tao can’t help but scoff, annoyed that yet again, they are talking about Chanyeol.  
“Hey! Chanyeol doesn’t need that, but it’s always nice to...”  
“I don’t really care. I get it, Chanyeol is a real man, and I’m a waifish twink. Anything else I should know about _you_? Or do you want to tell me about Chanyeol’s job now?”  
“Well, he makes games, isn’t that cool?”  
“It is,” Zitao turns away, no longer interested in the conversation. He stares out of the window, trying to blink away the tears. Yifan doesn’t even realize how often he mentions Chanyeol, and to Tao it means that the love he feels must be real. How can he compete with that? It feels like he lost the race before it even started for him, and everyone is ahead. Even the unwilling participants.  
Chanyeol and his soulmate live in a decent neighborhood, and their flat is at least three times bigger than Zitao’s. It’s tastefully furnished, and he can easily tell it’s not Chanyeol’s doing. There is a feminine touch to it, and it’s been established that Yifan’s friend is a man through and through.  
“Hi, you must be Tao!” a cheerful, female voice greets him.  
Chanyeol’s soulmate is nothing like he imagined her to be. For one, she isn’t fully Korean, her eyes, hair and skin much lighter than he expected (later, he learns that she is half Dutch and half Korean). Lotte, as she introduces herself, is almost as tall as him, and Tao can tell that she works out. She is not overly muscular, but her body is strong and beautiful.  
Zitao finds himself drawn towards her, even though she isn’t much older, she is radiating warmth he associates with his mother. Suddenly, he isn’t so sad anymore, Yifan’s presence almost forgotten when she compliments his accent and asks about his job, making it sound like he is doing something groundbreaking. Tao offers to help her cook, and by the time they are almost done he feels relaxed enough to ask about her first meeting with Chanyeol.  
“I used to live in Amsterdam, my dad is Korean and moved there for my mom. His parents weren’t too happy about him marrying a foreigner, even though they are soulmates. It shouldn’t really matter, but it is what it is... That’s why we wouldn’t come often to Korea, so mom wouldn’t feel alienated. Don’t get me wrong, my grandparents love me to pieces, it’s just my mom they can’t stand. So, we decided that I will spend the entire summer holidays after I graduated from Uni with them. But I just broke my leg in a stupid accident, and I was this close to staying in Amsterdam, too tired to travel. But something was telling me I should go, and I couldn’t shake it off. Chanyeol literally swiped me off my feet after I landed in Seoul. With a baggage cart, since he just came back from Hawaii.”  
“Sounds painful.”  
“Oh, it was. Instead of helping me, he started to panic, and I had to calm him down, while my leg was hurting like a bitch.”  
“And you stayed in Seoul for him?”  
“God, no. Love is nice and all, but you know what’s nicer? A proper visa and a good job, I went back to Amsterdam to figure it all out.”  
“Your story sounds like a movie,” he jokes, and Lotte flashes him a bright smile.  
“Just your usual, boring rom-com. There are better stories than ours, even if they don’t seem like it at first,” she says, and something about her tone makes him think she knows more than she is letting on.  
Throughout the evening, Zitao realizes that he can’t hate Chanyeol. His bubbly personality and dumb jokes make Tao warm up to him real quick, and he finds himself squeezed on a sofa between the happy pair, while Yifan watches them from the armchair, keeping distance.  
“You look like a lovechild of a panda and a kitten,” Lotte coos, slightly tipsy. Yifan, since he is driving, is the only one who didn’t have anything to drink. “You are so cute, isn’t he cute, Chanyeol?”  
“So cute!”  
“And nice too. TaoTao, lets ditch our soulmates and elope.”  
“Hey!” Chanyeol shouts, and for a second Zitao thinks he is in trouble, but then a strong arm wraps itself around his shoulders, pulling him towards the older man. “I met him first!”  
“Tao! You like noona better, right?”  
He decides to play along, ignoring Yifan’s glare. He is feeling happy and relaxed after three drinks, and he is going to enjoy it while it lasts. After all, it’s a little depressing that ever since he came to Korea his work is the only source of joy. He needs friends as much as he needs a lover.  
“Actually… I prefer dick, so I have to go with hyung,” he says cutely, despite the crude words. Chanyeol laughs victoriously, and before Tao can do as much as blink, kisses him. It’s a short, innocent kiss, but it’s a kiss all the same. Instead of being angry, Lotte steals a kiss for herself.  
“You will have to let us borrow him for a threesome, Kris!”  
His soulmate’s smile looks fake, but it seems like Zitao is the only one who sees through it.  
He is tricked into a false sense of security when Yifan doesn’t mention the kiss once they’re in the car. But he is wrong, oh so wrong, because his soulmate gets out of the car when they park in front of his apartment and pushes him against it. It’s not playful, the grip he has on Tao’s forearms hurts, and his face is anything but calm.  
“Don’t ever touch him like that again. Do you understand?”  
Tao turns his head, refusing to meet his eyes, and this time he is the one to stay quiet. Yifan releases one of his hands to grab his chin and forcefully turn his head.  
“Do you fucking understand?”  
He should give Yifan what he wants, it’s not like anything that happened was real or was going to happen again, but he is stubborn, always has been, always will be.  
“You are hurting me, let go.”  
“Huh?”  
“It hurts, I’m going to have bruises. Let me go, or I will tell Chanyeol and Lotte that you hit me.”  
Yifan immediately releases him and takes a step back. If Tao didn’t know any better, he would have sworn there is fire in Yifan’s eyes. But it’s probably nothing more than a reflection.  
Zitao shoulders past him in silence. He allows himself to cry after the door is safely locked behind him. He is a crybaby, and he is sure Yifan would hate that about him too.  
He wakes up exhausted the next day. He slept almost eight hours, but he looks like he got no sleep at all, his eyebags even more prominent than usually. He also has dark yellow bruises where Yifan held him, and while the bruise on his arm can be hidden under long sleeves, the one on his chin won’t be easy to explain. He has some makeup he can use, something he wears when he goes to clubs with an intent of getting laid, so he should be able to cover it up. But he shouldn’t have to do that. He takes some pictures, just in case it happens again. Yifan’s violent reaction took him by surprise, he didn’t expect things to get physical.  
Maybe it’s a sign they really shouldn’t be together, he muses while he prepares breakfast. While Tao knows martial arts and can defend himself, he is by no means aggressive, and he would never hurt anyone on purpose.  
He is munching on a toast, too lazy to make something more, when a doorbell rings. There are only few people who know where he lives, so it’s rather unexpected, especially this early in the morning. He carefully opens the door, hiding his body behind it.  
“I came to apologize, for yesterday,” Yifan says somewhat sheepishly, his broad shoulders slightly hunched.  
“How did you get inside?”  
“One of your neighbors let me in. I was worried you wouldn’t open the door for me if I called.”  
He would, but his soulmate doesn’t have to know how much power he holds over Tao. He lowers his face a bit, trying to hide the bruises, but Yifan isn’t fooled. He does look apologetic when he gently lifts Zitao’s face to examine them closely.  
“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, I really hurt you. How can I make it up to you?”  
_By loving me_ , Tao wants to say, but it’s a silly thing to ask for. You can’t force someone to fall in love with you, so he shakes his head and accepts the apology. There really isn’t anything else he needs from the other man.


	2. Chapter 2

Zitao needs his beauty sleep more than most people. He needs at least solid six hours every day, but he is not going to complain, if he can get eight or even better - ten. However, anything under six hours is unacceptable, it immediately shows on his face, making it even darker than usually. He works with children, he can’t look like an axe murderer.  
That’s why he is really unhappy when a loud, banging noise wakes him up at three in the morning, four hours before he has to get up for work. The noise is coming from his right, which means that he has new neighbors, since the flat next to him used to be empty. He takes few calming breaths, puts on a shirt and goes to confront the neighbors. He doesn’t want to start off on the wrong foot, but they are the ones who decided to make a racket while everyone else is asleep.  
“Hi, I’m Huang Zitao, I live next to you,” he starts politely, when a guy, who is at least head shorter than him, opens the door. “Could you please keep the noise down? I have work in the morning.”  
He is still sleepy, so his accent is heavier than usually, but he fakes confidence. The guy doesn’t seem offended, he simply nods tiredly, like he is the one who’s been woken up.  
“I’m really sorry, we just moved in, and we are trying to put the bed together, but it’s not going on too well. Oh, I’m Byun Baekhyun, nice to meet you.”  
“Why are you using a hammer to do it?”  
“I told you we don’t need a hammer!” someone complains from the flat, and Baekhyun turns slightly to respond.  
“Your idea was to glue it together, so shut up, dumbass!”  
Zita is pretty sure most beds require screws and a screwdriver to assemble, so he is a little confused.   
“Maybe I could help?” he offers, since he is already awake, and the man in front of him looks like he is going to drop dead, if he doesn’t go to sleep soon. Tao’s heart is a bit soft.  
“Please!”  
Once inside, he is met with a huge mess, which he expected since his neighbors just moved in. the flat is bigger than his, but he doesn’t see much of it before he is ushered into the bedroom. Another man, much taller than Baekhyun but not as tall as Zitao, is sitting on a floor and looking absolutely defeated.  
“I’m Oh Sehun,” he mutters with a slight lisp. “Sorry for the noise, we’ve been trying to put it together for the past hour, and this genius right here thought we can force it to stay together.”  
“Hey, you ungrateful...”  
Zitao blocks out their bickering and focuses on the instructions. They seem simple enough, and he was right – they require a screwdriver, not a hammer. Which is lying next to the bed parts, so it seems like the men already tried using it. But, if there is one thing Zitao knows, it’s that people will always claim they did everything right, so he takes the screwdriver and gets to work. He is halfway done, when Baekhyun and Sehun finally turn to him, noticing his progress.  
“Shit, you aren’t just cute. You are cute and have superpowers.”  
“Baekhyun, stop hitting on our neighbor,” Sehun growls, and then adds, “but you really are cute.”  
It makes Tao wonder if he is dreaming, after all. He isn’t used to people hitting on him while he is in his PJs, barely awake. He is too exhausted to analyze it, so he bids his neighbors goodbye and goes back to his own flat, which is now blissfully quiet.  
He wakes up tired, which means he definitely wasn’t dreaming. His students point out his panda-like appearance, but they seem to find it adorable, as kids would. He still scolds them lightly, explaining that they shouldn’t comment on other people’s looks unless asked. He isn’t sure if they care about it, but he tried and that should be good enough.  
As expected, Yifan doesn’t try to contact him. But he has messages from his parents, ChenChen and Lotte waiting for him, so he spends the better part of the evening writing a long email to his family, skillfully avoiding anything of substance. He hates it when he has to lie to his family, but he doesn’t want their pity. He knows that they would try to console him, convince him that there is something wrong with Yifan, but his soulmate is capable of loving someone, so clearly, the problem lies in him. Maybe he is just unlovable.  
He is watching a documentary on bees when the doorbell rings, and he considers pretending that he isn’t home. He is going to scream, if it’s Yifan again, asking for another favor. The ringing doesn’t relent, so he slowly approaches the door, delaying the inevitable.  
It’s not Yifan.   
Baekhyun and Sehun smile at him widely as they invite themselves in.   
“We came to thank you! And we brought food!”  
There is enough fried chicken to feed an army, which is just about enough to feed one Tao. His high metabolism is a blessing, and he is going to enjoy it as long as it lasts. Baekyhun insists on feeding him the best pieces, but Sehun doesn’t seem to mind. Tao assumes they are soulmates, but maybe they simply can’t afford another bed at the moment. He slept with ChenChen before, when the heater broke and his house was freezing cold, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. He tries to take a peek at their wrists, but both men are wearing bracelets covering the names of their destined mates.   
Zitao makes his first friends thanks to their slight incompetence and chicken.  
It takes him almost a week to confirm that Baekhyun and Sehun are soulmates, but they are unlike any soulmates he’s ever met. They bicker and complain about one another all the time, but shower Tao with love and attention. Baekhyun, who is older, likes to pamper him to the ridiculous extent, but he balances it out with constant jokes and making fun of Tao’s accent. If it was anyone else, Zitao would be offended, since he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with having an accent, as long as other people can understand you, but he knows that Baekhyun means no harm. If anything, it’s his way of showing that he likes Tao enough to tease him. Sehun is one year younger than Zitao, and he can be a bit of a child, but they have a lot in common, and they end up spending most of their free time together.  
Having friends makes living in Seoul much easier, he doesn’t think so often about Yifan anymore. He can’t completely forget, especially since he has to make up excuses as to why he can’t visit Lotte with Yifan anytime soon, but it’s no longer at the forefront of his mind.  
Baekhyun takes him to the Namsan Tower, and Zitao kind of hates it, so Sehun takes him to the ZOO, which he loves. Baekhyun cries about it for the next three days. Out of spite, he refuses to feed his soulmate during this period, so Tao ends up eating out with Sehun a lot. He can cook, but Sehun doesn’t like to wait. It almost feels like they are dating, since Sehun insists on holding his hand, or any part of his body, really. At least once a day Zitao has to pry Sehun’s fingers off his ass, but he always knew that Korean guys are like that. Besides, Baekhyun also spends a lot of time absentmindedly rubbing his thighs while they talk, so Tao doesn’t think much about it.

It turns out he was wrong. So very wrong.

He gets home one day, absolutely exhausted after a discussion with one of the parents, which quickly turned into an argument, and Sehun is already waiting for him, leaning against the door to his apartment.  
“I forgot my keys, and Byun won’t be home until later. Let’s order something to eat.”  
Zitao lets the younger man order for them, he isn’t very picky when it comes to food, while he takes a shower. It’s not as long as he would like it to be to wash off the exhaustion, but he doesn’t want to keep Sehun waiting. He forgoes wearing a shirt, since that’s what he does after work. It helps him relax, and he doesn’t think his naked chest is going to offend his friend. The food arrives after twenty minutes, since Sehun ordered from the restaurant down the road, and they eat in silence, watching some dating show.  
“You look bad, what happened?” Sehun asks with his usual straightforwardness after they are done with food.  
“Gee, thanks man, love you too,” Tao snarls, but seconds later puts his head on Sehun’s shoulder. “Chunhei’s mom scolded me today for making her daughter train too hard. She said that she wants her daughter to be able to defend herself, not to turn her into a little street thug like me. It’s stupid, since everyone is learning the same thing, and Chunhei is a sweet little girl. Her being able to high-kick people isn’t going to change that. Why would I treat her any different? She likes it, she said so herself while her mother was trying to rip my head off.”  
“You seem really worked up about it. Did something else happen?”  
One of Sehun’s hands tangles itself in Tao’s hair, massaging his head. He closes his eyes, slowly relaxing into the friendly touch.  
“She called me a ‘stupid chink’ when she was leaving, I think she assumed I wouldn’t understand that word. But I do, I’ve been told to learn the words that might offend me.”  
Sehun’s fingers still for a second, before returning to their task. Tao’s eyes are burning, but he refuses to cry over someone who can’t see above his nationality. And he’s been called worse things before, there is no hiding his looks. He’s been warned by his Chinese friends that Koreans can be a bit prejudiced, but so far everyone has been polite enough, so it blindsided him.  
“What a bitch. I’m sorry it happened to you,” Sehun murmurs softly, and suddenly Tao notices how close the other boy is. He lifts his head to ask a question, but Sehun comes even closer, pressing his lips against Tao’s. It’s been a long while since he’s been kissed, so he fails to stifle a moan, and the younger man uses his slip up to slide his tongue inside.  
It’s wrong, they shouldn’t be doing this. But he is tired, distressed, _lonely_ , and Sehun is calling him his _sweetheart _, his _baby boy___ , kissing him sweetly all over, quickly removing his sweats and coaxing his legs open. Sehun is warm and gentle when he turns him around, pressing him against the couch and molding himself against Tao’s back.  
Sehun pulls out a condom and a small bottle of lube, but Zitao is too gone to wonder why the other man is so prepared. He loses himself in soft touches and sweet words, thin fingers stretching him diligently, until he moans and begs for more. Sehun’s cock feels incredibly long after almost a year-long abstinence, the pain is sharp, but he needs more. His legs spread even wider, showing off how flexible he is, how good he can be given proper motivation, and Sehun’s hips stutter, before he regains the rhythm. Their hips roll in unison, they fit well together, almost too well, all things considered. One of Sehun’s hands wraps around his swollen cock, while the other seeks out his hand, lacing their fingers together.   
Sehun kisses and licks every inch of Tao’s skin he can reach, going as far as to lick the shell of his ear. Zitao gasps, he never thought of his ears as an erogenous zone, but apparently he was wrong. He can feel, rather than see, Sehun’s smile before his friend sucks on his earlobe.   
He is too tired to last, and Sehun isn’t far behind, fucking into him three more times before he releases into Zitao’s now limp body. He helps Tao up and almost carries him to the bedroom, where he kisses him one last time before Tao’s eyelids feel too heavy to keep open. He falls asleep while Sehun is still tucking him in, content, but already aware that he is going to regret it later.  
He is alone in the flat when he wakes up, and he didn’t expect anything else. Of course Sehun went back to Baekhyun, to play his part of a faithful boyfriend. But Tao can still feel him, his hips and ass are aching from his touch, and there is a bruise blossoming on his arm where Sehun gripped him too hard as he was coming.  
Zitao is a vile person.  
He is ruining another couple, because his own soulmate doesn’t want him. Maybe Yifan can see that in him.  
He doesn’t even have the excuse of loving Sehun. He finds both Sehun and Baekhyun attractive, but it’s not love, and it will never be. Yifan, at least, doesn’t try to steal Chanyeol from Lotte, even though he is in love; he patiently waits and is grateful for everything he gets. But Zitao isn’t like that, he ruins relationships. He always thought he is a good person, but he proved himself wrong.   
He doesn’t want to confront Baekhyun, but at the same time, he wants the older man to know. Tao is going to grovel at his feet, apologize for the betrayal. It might be Sehun who came onto him, but he should have known better. He is not a guardian of other people’s morality, but Baekhyun is a friend, his first Korean friend, so he shouldn’t be acting like a stupid whore just because someone finally wanted him.  
Zitao isn’t known for his bravery, so instead of immediately going to his neighbor, he gets spectacularly drunk, writes a long, barely comprehensive email do ChenChen and cries himself to sleep. In the morning, there are five texts waiting for him, four from Baekhyun and one from Lotte. He responds to Lotte’s message, and decides to face the dragon instead of messaging him. Maybe he should bring flowers or wine, but he thinks about it after he already knocked on the door, so there is no turning back.  
Baekhyun looks worried, but happy, when he opens the door, pulling Tao inside without any hesitation. Baekhyun is a good person, and Zitao doesn’t deserve his smile. Sehun looks up from the book he is reading in the living room, eyes dark and unreadable. He knows, he has to know why Tao is here, but he doesn’t seem worried. Sehun always looks cold and unreachable, but he is soft and sweet on the inside, at least that’s what Zitao thought. He isn’t sure anymore. Maybe he’s been tricked into believing Sehun is someone else, he can’t imagine being this calm after cheating on his soulmate. And yet, the younger man smirks at him cockily, waiting for his next move.  
“Baekhyun, I...” he barely started, but his chin is already trembling. He told himself that he isn’t going to cry, but it’s impossible when Baekhyun looks at him so sincerely. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why it happened, I was so tired and lonely, and Sehun was there…”  
“He was there to do what?”  
“I slept with him. I’m sorry, so, so sorry, I didn’t mean...”  
“Sehun, you stupid fuck!” Baekhyun roars, and Tao takes a step back. He’s never heard the older man raise his voice before, and despite his small size it’s quite terrifying. “I called dibs on him! I’m older, respect your hyungs!”  
“Oh, fuck off hyung, you were slow as a turtle! You’d sooner fatten him up with your sweets, than fuck him! I saw my chance and took it,” Sehun sticks out his tongue, and Tao is beyond confused. Baekhyun mutters something inaudibly, before he manhandles Zitao onto a couch, pushing his soulmate aside.  
“What’s going on..?”  
“I’m going to show you, both of you, how a real man fucks,” Baekhyun announces, ignoring Sehun’s indignant squawk in favor of stripping Tao.   
Zitao lets him do it, thinking it must be some kind of strange punishment. He lets Baekhyun do whatever he wants to his body, while Sehun watches them, masturbating almost lazily. The pleasure is muted, because Tao is still worried, so worried, even though this time Baekhyun feeds him with sweet words and praises, and he is nothing but kind, making sure Tao’s body is satisfied.  
Later, Sehun and Baekhyun guide him to their bedroom, to the bed he helped assemble, and Zitao tries to hide his tears, but it’s impossible when they are so close. Baekhyun’s hands are a bit rough when they wipe them away, but his voice is unexpectedly soft, when he asks, “Why are you crying, baobei?”  
“H… how do you know this word?”  
“I looked it up on the internet, needed a special word for our special baby.”  
Sehun makes a gagging sound, but moves even closer, hugging Tao from behind.  
“I’m sorry,” Zitao whispers again.  
“Right. I didn’t explain before ravishing you. Listen, you haven’t done anything wrong, we’ve been trying to seduce you for a while now, okay? We wanted you in our bed, but I was supposed to be the first one, since we didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Baekhyun sends Sehun a glare.  
“But you’re soulmates...”  
“We are not in love with you, if that’s what you think. We aren’t even in love with each other. This soulmate stuff… it’s not that easy to define. Sehun and I, we are both aromantic, you know? We like sex, we are great friends, but love, as you would define it, doesn’t apply to us. We have sex with other people, sometimes, to spice things up. We can see that you are lonely, and we can help you with that for now. We will back off when you find your soulmate. We like you too much to let you suffer alone.”  
Admittedly, Zitao doesn’t know much about soulmates. His knowledge mostly comes from movies and one lesson at school ten years ago, led by an enthusiastic, but maybe a bit too traditional, lady. For him, having a soulmate means romantic love, but Baekhyun works for the government and deals with soulmates on a daily basis, so Tao has no reason not to believe him.  
“I already found my soulmate,” he says, and then can’t stop talking. Any other time, he would be embarrassed, but he didn’t tell his family, he didn’t really have anyone to confide in, and it was weighting him down. Sehun cuddles him, while Baekhyun listens intently, grimacing every now and then.  
“Your soulmate sounds like a dick,” Sehun concludes after Tao is done. “Baekkie, can’t their bond be severed?”  
“Is that even an option?”   
“Yes. I mean, you know that covering up the name with a tattoo is illegal, right? However, in some cases the government allows it. But it’s impossible in your case, I’m afraid. Your mate isn’t abusing you, and he didn’t outright say you’re poorly matched. He thinks he is in love with someone else, but his refusal to give you a chance isn’t reason enough to severe the bond.”  
Something occurs to Tao, as he listens to the older man.  
“You mentioned abuse. So fate makes mistakes.”  
“No, that’s not it. Sometimes, your soulmate serves another purpose, they are supposed to teach you something else, not necessarily love. It’s not as simple as that. In our case, we’re both aromantic, so we’ve been matched based on that. People are too difficult, they can’t be shoved into one box, it wouldn’t work.”  
“But it’s cruel! Why would someone be destined to suffer?”  
“I don’t know, Tao. You know that life isn’t always easy. We might think that it’s cruel or unfair, but there is always a purpose in it. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I bet you didn't see that coming.


	3. Chapter 3

Zitao never imagined himself in a three-way, sexual friendship, but it’s surprisingly easy to fall into. Sehun and Baekhyun don’t expect him to love them, but they let him in every time he needs them, because they genuinely care for him. It feels good to be wanted and appreciated. It also softens the blow, when Yifan finally calls and, yet again, asks for a favor.  
“Chanyeol told my mother about you, and now she wants to Skype with us.”  
Tao knows that he should refuse. For the sake of his mental health, he should refuse. But a small part of him thinks that maybe Yifan’s mother will approve of him, and it’s going to magically change everything. But this time he is not doing it for free.  
“I want a date.”  
“What?”  
“I will do it, but we have to go on a date.”  
Yifan is silent for a while, which makes Zitao wonder if he really is that undesirable to his soulmate. He is about to take it back, play it off as a silly joke, when Yifan finally agrees, hesitant, but not upset. They schedule the call for Friday evening.  
Zitao’s previous relationship didn’t last long enough for him to meet the parents – and his boyfriend didn’t see the point in introducing him anyway, since they weren’t soulmates, so he is slightly worried, even though the whole thing is a sham. Perhaps, that’s the reason why he is worried in the first place, he is afraid Yifan’s mom will see right through them. His soulmate seems rather cold and distant, but his mom must know him really well, so the only thing that can save them is the poor quality of a call. Otherwise, Yifan’s mom will immediately notice how stiff they are around each other, like complete strangers.  
It’s the only thing he thinks about for the whole week, planning the outfit and changing it right after. He is quite fashionable, but most of his clothes err on the sexy side or have questionable prints, so he ends up borrowing a flannel from Sehun and applying some of the concealer he sometimes uses when he goes to a club to cover his dark under eyes. Yifan looks at him strangely when he picks him up, and Tao wonders, if the older thinks he is trying to look more like Chanyeol – someone approachable and easygoing. He might be right in his assumption, Chanyeol looks like a perfect son-in-law.  
Yifan’s mom is beautiful, and Tao is slightly overwhelmed. His knowledge of Cantonese is very limited, but he tries his best to greet her before switching to Mandarin. At first, their conversation feels a bit like an interrogation, not that he’s even been interrogated, but Zitao can see Yifan’s mom relaxing with every answer he gives. Soon enough, they are joking around and he learns quite a bit about his soulmate. At one point, Yifan wraps an arm around him, and for a second Tao lets himself pretend that they are a real couple, that they aren’t doing it just for show. The older man smells good, Tao wants to nuzzle against him, but that would be inappropriate, whether they are a couple or not.  
“Yifan, can you give us a second? I’d like to talk to Tao in private.”  
Zitao can hear his soulmate’s tiny gasp, before he covers it with a cough.  
“Sure, I’ll be in the kitchen, if you need me.”  
Tao watches the other man leave, bouncing his legs nervously.  
“You’ve met Chanyeol, right?”  
“I did, he is really nice.”  
“For the longest time Yifan thought he is in love with his friend. He couldn’t see that they aren’t really a good match. I thought… I thought that my relationship with his father damaged him for good,” Yifan’s mum says with sadness coloring her voice. “He couldn’t understand that his father is a free spirit, and all I wanted from him was a baby. It was a mutual decision, but my son couldn’t accept it… But, although I can tell that you aren’t in love yet since you just met, you are so beautiful together. And you are such a sweet boy, Tao. I hope Yifan doesn’t hurt you, but if he ever does, tell me. I’m going to whoop his ass.”  
Tao lets out a surprised laugh and immediately covers his mouth. He’s been told before that his laugh is too high-pitched and embarrassing, but Yifan’s mum simply laughs with him, eyes crinkling into half-moons. They chat for a while longer, and she disconnects without talking to her son again. It wasn’t as scary as Tao expected it to be, probably because Yifan’s mom is such a sweet person.  
“We can call your parents too,” Yifan says after they made sure his mom can’t hear them anymore.  
“No need, I didn’t tell them about you.”  
“Why not? You seem to care a lot about the soulmate stuff.”  
“You are refusing to be with me, so why would I? It’s not real, and I don’t like to lie to them.”  
“I… see. Well, should we go on our date now?”  
“Now? Are you joking? I’m not dressed for it.”  
“You look fine,” Yifan dismisses his concern, and Tao is slightly hurt. It’s silly, it doesn’t matter how he looks, but he wishes the older man would appreciate the effort he puts into everything. “Besides, why would you dress like that if you don’t like it?”  
“I wanted your mom to approve.”  
“She owns a red faux leather jacket, she wouldn’t judge you.”  
“Well, I didn’t know that, did I? It’s not like you and I talk.”  
“...yeah. I will drive you home so you can change, and then we will go, okay?”  
It’s not, but Tao feels like he can’t refuse. Yifan will probably try to weasel his way out of a date later, since he already offered to go out with him. Zitao can already tell their date is going to be a failure, but he tries to stay cheerful, not wanting to push Yifan too far.  
He changes into a pair of skin-tight, distressed jeans and a maroon shirt which he pairs with a leopard print jacket. His soulmate seems lost for words when he sees him again, but he does the smart thing and keeps his mouth shut.  
They go to a restaurant next. It’s obvious that Yifan put very little thought into the whole thing, and it’s not like Tao requires grand gestures. He just feels cheap when Yifan can’t even be bothered to book a table, and they go to the nearest Chinese restaurant they can find. Chinese, as if Tao didn’t come from China few weeks ago.  
At first, the conversation flows surprisingly smoothly. Or maybe it shouldn’t be surprising, they are soulmates after all, and since Tao doesn’t see himself abusing Yifan, they have to be somewhat well-matched. He can also see the second Yifan notices that they are getting a bit too comfortable with each other. The older man becomes anxious, fiddling with napkins and avoiding eye contact. Then, he starts mentioning Chanyeol in every other sentence, as if he is trying to protect his love from Zitao, and that’s enough for him.  
“Did you at least fuck him?”  
“What? I… once, we were drunk, experimenting...”  
“I’m glad you got a fuck out of him, it makes you slightly less pathetic.”  
His words are meant to hurt, and it works, Yifan visibly flinches, before retaliating, “Do you want me to fuck you then?”  
Instead of being offended, Tao considers it. He could have Yifan one time, and maybe that would change his soulmate’s mind. Or maybe it wouldn’t, and Tao would end up tearing himself apart. He sneaks a quick look at Yifan’s big hands, wondering if his cock is as as huge, if it would fill him perfectly. For a second, he lets himself imagine the way his soulmate’s heavy dick would feel on his tongue, and then says:  
“I want you to get the fuck out of my face. Preferably forever,” with that, Zitao grabs his bag and leaves. He has no idea where he is, but after wandering around for a while he spots a metro station. He ignores the phone vibrating in his pocket, and swears to himself that he won’t ever do it again. He won’t bend to Yifan’s will, and if it means that he won’t see his soulmate again, then so be it. Tao is worth more than that.  
Sehun and Baekhyun are out, probably on a date or whatever it is that they do when they go out, so Zitao eats a whole box of strawberry ice cream, washes it down with baijiu he brought with him from China and throws up. It does nothing to quell his anger, so he deletes Yifan’s number and then promptly falls asleep, not making it to the bed.  
When Zitao is a mess, he is a proper one, but he doesn’t let himself spiral into depression.  
The next day he always wakes up with a clear, slightly hurting head and a text from Lotte, who wants to hang out. This time, he agrees. There is no reason to avoid the girl, even if he has no intentions of talking to Yifan again.

Lotte takes him to a park and buys him ice cream. He is not a kid, and tells her as much, but he still enjoys his frozen dessert, ignoring her amused expression. He should be tired of it, after a binge, but he threw it all up, so it doesn’t really count.  
They spot some ducks, and he regrets not bringing any bread for them, but he underestimated Lotte. She pulls out a big bag of mixed seeds, and Tao listens in awe while she explains to him how unhealthy bread really is for the birds. He never put much thought into it before, not that he made a habit of feeding wild animals, but he makes a mental note about it, if only to educate the kids. There is nothing worse than trying to do some good and accidentally harming someone.  
“I really love ducks,” Lotte says out of blue, and Tao follows her gaze, as she lovingly stares at the ducks, almost the same way she looks at Chanyeol. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought that Lotte loves ducks a little more than she does her soulmate. Ducks are less likely to hurt you than humans, maybe he should look into that.  
“Ducks?”  
“Ducks. They are very underrated animals.”  
“That’s… unusual.”  
“Is it? What’s your favorite animal?”  
“I have a dog in China. But I like turtles a lot.”  
“Turtles are a bit scary.”  
“No, they’re not!”  
The discussion turns heated after that, and Zitao never had a fist-fight with a girl before, but things are very close to getting physical, before Lotte bursts out laughing while he explains the purpose of turtle’s mouth spines, and he joins her quickly. She pulls him away from the pond, and they continue their slow stroll, avoiding the sensitive subject of ducks and turtles.  
Tao likes nature, but he likes it when nature stays away from him. With no ducks in sight, he can no longer ignore the obnoxiously loud sound of thousands of cicadas trying to romance each other. It’s annoying, and this close to the trees, it’s also impossible to ignore. The constant buzzing is getting on his nerves, but then he makes a mistake of looking up, and he sees at least twenty cicadas staring back at him. Tao might be many things – he is tall and relatively good looking, great at handling kids and defending people. He is not, however, fond of bugs. They are just so unaesthetic, scary and impossible to avoid. That’s why he lets out an unmanly shriek, grabs Lotte’s hand and runs, until his lungs are burning, putting a good distance between him and cicadas.  
Lotte finds it incredibly amusing, when he finally tells her the reason for their impromptu exercise. She laughs so hard that her makeup smudges, and Zitao thinks that she looks even more beautiful like that. He still helps her fix the eyeliner, because he is a good friend, and they’re in public now.  
“Do you think I should buy a sweater vest? Would I look good in it?” Tao randomly asks as they pass a nice, cozy shop with a display full of sweater vests. “Would people take me more seriously?”  
“I think that you don’t have to dress up as someone else for people to like you,” Lotte’s voice is too soft, and he doesn’t like it, but he still lets her pull him away from the display. “If they don’t like the way you dress or look, then they don’t deserve you. At least that’s what I tell myself when my cat-eye gets out of control and starts attracting attention.”  
They finish their meeting at a fast food place, even though neither of them usually favors this kind of food. Tao feels inexplicably happy as he dips his fries in ketchup and licks salt off his fingers. Sometimes, simple pleasures are more than enough.

***

In everyday life, Baekhyun is small, almost petite, unimposing. But he feels impossibly large when he hovers over the younger man, his cock splitting Zitao in half, slim fingers holding the ends of a thick ribbon wrapped around Tao’s throat. Choking him, holding his life in his own hands.  
By the look of it, everyone would assume Sehun is the rough one, but the truth is, Sehun usually is the sweetest lover Tao had. He has his moments of roughness, but most of the time he is soft and kind. Baekhyun, on the other hand, likes to tie him up, spank him and fuck him with a vibrator until he cries. It’s almost too much, but Zitao wants more, he wants everything and then some.  
“Daddy...” he whimpers, and Baekhyun rewards him with a sharp thrust that hits his pleasure spot. It’s not Tao’s kink, he never really thought about having a _daddy_ , but Baekhyun fucks him so much better, if Zitao is his obedient baby, his _baobei_. Sehun is watching them intently, legs spread and one hand tugging at his fat cock. He already had his fun tonight.

They went to a club earlier.

Tao doesn’t go to clubs often, but when he does, he uses all the tricks he knows. He gets all dolled up, clothes so tight they might burst open if he bends over, skin shimmering with golden highlighter, eyes accentuated by the perfect winged eyeliner. Sehun whistles and Baekhyun’s gaze is filled with lust when they see him. Somehow, they manage to get to the club without stopping for a quick blow- or hand-job. The bouncer takes one look at them and lets them skip the line. Baekhyun rewards him with a saucy wink that promises things he doesn’t intend to deliver. They quickly down their first drinks, before Sehun tells him they are going to play a game. His breath tickles Tao’s ear when he explains the rules and disappears soon after. Baekhyun smirks at him and goes the other way.  
Tao likes to dance, even if he isn’t the most skilled dancer. It doesn’t matter in a club, he isn’t there to show off. Besides, his long, lean body is more than enough to draw people in, and soon enough there are three equally tall men dancing around him, trying to convince him they are worth his time. He smiles coquettishly, pretends to be oblivious to the heated looks he gets. He throws his head back, eyes closed, knowing that the line of his throat drives men crazy. They come closer, whispers of touches on his arms and hips, but no more than that. Until someone steps out of line, pressing against him from behind, thrusting his hips to show how hard he already is.  
“You are so fucking hot,” the man whispers. “I bet you’ll be even hotter on your knees.”  
Other men back off when Tao finally acknowledges his dance partner, reaching back to touch his hips. They move together, the song changes to something faster, but they ignore it, slowly grinding against each other. He doesn’t hesitate, when the man tugs at his hand and pulls him towards the bathrooms. He is equally willing, when the man locks the stall door and pushes him down with just enough force to show him who is in charge. They are yet to kiss, but Tao unbuttons stranger’s pants to free his thick cock without any hesitation. It’s a good size, filling his hand nicely. His partner offers him a condom, but he nudges it away. He likes to taste everything, likes the slightly salty taste of a clean dick as it slides down his throat. Tao is a giver, he loves giving pleasure, even to strangers. His lips curl into a kittenish smile, before he wraps them around the spongy head, tongue making its way to tease the small slit. He hears the man moan quietly, and it’s a pretty sound. He wants to hear more. He starts to suck, like he would on a popsicle, looking up to meet the man’s hungry gaze while he takes him deeper. Zitao wraps a hand around the base, he might be enthusiastic, but he knows his limits, and he is not about to choke on a dick in a bathroom stall.  
His tongue presses against the vein on the underside, and a bit of pre-come squirts out, sliding down his throat. He hums happily at the taste, throat vibrating against the thickness filling his mouth. Tao uses the other hand to play with the balls, rubbing them gently. The man pets his hair, but doesn’t force him to take more. The thumping of the bass makes Zitao even hotter, he sucks harder and bobs his head with just a bit of teeth.  
“God, you’re so pretty, my pretty little slut.”  
The stranger doesn’t ever try to stay quiet, and Tao preens under the praise, pulls away slightly to ask, “Do you want to come on my face? Or in my mouth?”  
“In you,” the man whimpers, and Zitao graces him with a smile, jerking the cock in his hand and pressing his lips against the crown.  
“Give it to me,” he purrs and swallows him again, sucking vigorously. His partner’s thighs starts to quiver, and few seconds later the man comes in hot spurts that Tao eagerly swallows to the last drop, waiting until the cock is completely soft. Only then does he pull away, sated. His own dick is throbbing in his pants, but it can wait. The man smiles, pats him one more time before he leaves the cubicle.  
Zitao decides to ignore his erection for now, gets up and straightens up his pants, waiting few seconds before he also leaves the stall. The man isn’t there anymore, and Tao takes his time rinsing his mouth and washing his hands. His cheeks are slightly flushed, and it looks sexy on him, if he can say so myself. He is quite surprised when he hears one of the stalls open. Someone’s been there the whole time while he was on his knees, and it sends a shiver down his spine. He never had any exhibitionist tendencies, but it’s quite hot. He turns around, pretending nothing happened, and comes almost face to face with shocked Yifan.  
The older man stares at his face, zeroing on his swollen lips and then sliding down, reaching his prominent bulge. Tao can hear him curse quietly over the muffled music. He doesn’t think he can handle a conversation right now, so when Yifan lifts his eyes again, Zitao simply nods in acknowledgment and leaves the bathroom.  
Sehun is waiting outside, “Hello stranger.”  
Tao rolls his eyes and takes Sehun’s hand. They quickly manage to find Baekhyun, who is nursing another drink at the bar and scowls at them, when they come close enough to be heard.  
“I can’t believe you got to him first again. How do you even do that?”  
“Well, for one, I’m much taller, so I can see things that are unreachable for your eyes.”  
The smack that follows is by no means gentle, and Sehun cries out with exaggeration. Baekhyun insists it’s unfair that he didn’t get any action at the club, so they go home where Tao lets Baekhyun tie him up. After they are done and his body is hurting in all the right places, bruises already forming on his hips and thighs where Baekhyun was a bit too enthusiastic, he asks about something that’s been bothering him for a while now.  
“If you both like to top, then what do you do when it’s just the two of you?”  
Sehun laughs and pets his face, making cooing noises like Tao is a cute child.  
“We are switches, but you need someone to take care of you, baobei, and we want do that for you.”  
He wants to be angry at Sehun, because the other man is younger, and Zitao should be the one taking care of him, but he can’t deny that he feels safe in Sehun’s arms. Even more so with Baekhyun glued to his back, still naked and pleasantly warm.  
Tao is incredibly close with ChenChen, and he doesn’t think there is anyone in the world who could replace his friend. ChenChen is his oldest friend, and he knows everything there is to know about Zitao. He is someone who knows every insecurity, every bad memory that haunts Tao. However, Zitao cannot imagine having the same relationship with ChenChen, as he does with Baekhyun and Sehun. The level of physical intimacy is too high. Although he never expected it to happen with anyone, he is happy that Baekhyun and Sehun are the ones who appeared in his life at the right moment.

After the club encounter, Tao doesn’t expect to hear from Yifan ever again. That’s what he wants, of course, but he unwittingly gave his soulmate the perfect excuse. It’s so easy to tell Chanyeol and other people that Zitao is a cheating slut, sleeping around with strangers. That’s why he is shocked, when three days after the unfortunate meeting Yifan turns up on his doorstep with a bouquet of pink tulips in one hand, take-out from a fancy Italian restaurant in the other. The apology seems sincere, so Zitao invites him in. (Zitao is so, so weak.)  
Yifan doesn’t mention Chanyeol even once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Yifan's POV


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me?

When they met for the first time, Yifan was convinced that fate made a mistake. It didn’t seem right that Chanyeol isn’t his soulmate. Back then, he was a rather introverted and quiet person, who didn’t get along with many people. But Chanyeol’s bubbly personality, broken English and a beautiful smile won Yifan over in no time. Yifan never felt so deeply for anyone before, and it was unfair that the name on his wrist said _Huang Zitao_ and not _Park Chanyeol_. He already mde up his mind and wasn’t going to look for this Zitao, and at first, he hoped that his friend, his love, would never meet his real soulmate either. They could pretend, together, that they were meant to be from the very beginning. Sometimes, it seemed that Chanyeol felt the same, but later Yifan realized it might have been his wishful thinking. They experimented together, and that was it.  
Still, Yifan chose to follow his best friend, he even chose his future job so that he could always be with Chanyeol. He never told anyone the true reasoning behind his chosen occupation, since he knew how pathetic it was. He likes his job well enough, but Chanyeol is his happiness. As long as the younger man is next to him, he can do just about anything.  
When Chanyeol met Lotte, Yifan went through a breakdown, serious enough that he had to take few days off work, stay at home and try to find the strength to continue living. He pretended to be happy for them, Lotte was too lovely to hate, but his heart hurt. And even though he liked her, he still thought many nasty things about the girl. A part of him wished her plane would crash. She was too tall, too independent, too strong for a girl. He regretted his thoughts, his mother raised him to be a good person, but it’s something that happened, and he can’t conveniently forget about his moments of weakness.  
It got better with time, he got used to having Lotte around, and Chanyeol never made him feel like a third wheel. He was still broken, still yearned for the younger man’s touch, but he learned to live without it.  
Yifan has a pretty healthy sex life. He wouldn’t call himself promiscuous by any means, but he does sleep around quite a bit, and he can thank various apps for that. It’s quick, easy and makes it impossible to misread the intentions. He doesn’t want to lead anyone on, just like he doesn’t want another love to replace his feelings for Chanyeol. If he wanted that, he would have looked for his soulmate.  
His mom always tells him that he is torturing himself, but her failed relationship with his father makes her a poor judge. Instead, Yifan is convinced that she is the one who is lying to herself. He finds it quite impossible to believe that all she wanted was a child, and his father’s decision to abandon them didn’t bother her at all. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t care for children much. He likes them enough, and in an unlikely case that Chanyeol wants to have a baby with him he would be fine with adoption, but having a child isn’t his goal in life. Children aren’t a substitute for love, which he needs. They should be a result, not a goal. Surely his mother’s views couldn’t be so different from his. After all, she is the one who raised him.  
But, despite his own pain, Yifan never wanted to hurt his soulmate. It just never occurred to him that he is hurting the other man by not taking any action.  
Yifan doesn’t think of himself as Kris. It’s a name he adopted to make it easy for his foreign friends, but it doesn’t hold much of a meaning to him. He likes the way it sounds when Chanyeol, after all those years, still butchers the pronunciation, but his mom always calls him Yifan. He hides behind Kris, because it’s easier. He always uses it when he meets new people, just in case the person he encounters is Huang Zitao, or knows him. It worked for years, protecting him. He never thought that fate could be so perverse that it would involve Chanyeol, of all people, in their first meeting.  
Yifan’s first thought, after seeing his soulmate, is that he doesn’t like the younger man. It’s not that Zitao is ugly, but his features are too strong, nose just a bit too bit, eyes too sharp. He looks sexy, but mean. Yifan likes goofy smiles, straight noses and round, soft eyes. Yifan likes Chanyeol, and that’s it. He never liked anyone else in his life. He doesn’t want to like anyone, no matter how attractive. No matter what the fate says.  
He doesn’t try to be mean, but it happens anyway. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t expect Zitao to be so open and vulnerable. His soulmate can’t hide it when he is hurt, and Yifan discovers that Tao isn’t even half as tough as he looks. Chanyeol insists on hanging out together, so Yifan has plenty of time to observe the younger man. He can’t help but notice how sweet Tao’s little smile (which he initially mistook for a smirk) really is, how striking his eyes are when he is listening intently to someone. Because he always listens intently, making the other person feel important. Yifan can’t deny it – he might not love him, but his soulmate is cute.  
Chanyeol’s kiss with Zitao takes him by surprise. Then, it enrages him. Yifan feels robbed, his only real kiss with Chanyeol was while they were both completely drunk, eager on his part, but overall sloppy and lacking. In any other situation he would be aroused seeing two handsome men kiss, even so briefly, but it makes him seethe. But that’s no excuse for bruising Tao. Zitao’s wrists feel surprisingly thin in his big hands, the younger man is shaking like a trapped butterfly, but he doesn’t step back. Later, after a long, calming bath, Yifan admires Tao’s attitude. And he feels utterly ashamed of his own reaction. He’s never been in a fight before, he always kept to himself and his height discouraged any bullying attempts, and the fact that he first person he physically hurt is someone, whose name Yifan carries on his wrist, is shameful. He can only imagine what his mother would say, too embarrassed to ever tell her the truth.  
He apologizes to Tao the next day, but the damage is done, and the younger man looks resigned, reminding Yifan of the times when he was deeply depressed because of Lotte.  
The second time he hurts Zitao, he does it with words. Careless, thoughtless words stemming from his love towards Chanyeol. That’s not a proper excuse, but it’s the only one he has.  
Tao’s style comes as a surprise, but it looks good on him. And Yifan couldn’t even be bothered to change after work. Maybe it’s for the best, Tao looks disappointed, but it’s the way things are supposed to be between them. If he disappoints Zitao enough, the younger man won’t want to pursue him anymore. That’s what Yifan wants, what he always wanted.  
That’s why it surprises him that, despite the initial hiccup, the conversation runs smoothly. Yifan finds himself enjoying Tao’s anecdotes from work, he even shares few of his own. It hits him, when Zitao goes to the bathroom. He is having a good time on a date, as forced as it is, with someone, who is not Chanyeol. It’s not right, he is not supposed to fall into the soulmate trap. He makes sure to direct the conversation to his best friend. Instead of feeling victorious, he feels bitter when Tao’s face falls, happiness replaced with a hollow look. He says some things, awful, ugly things, almost making his soulmate cry before the younger man he storms out. 

Yifan isn’t close to any of his coworkers, but they are nice enough people, so sometimes they go out together to bond outside of work. This time, they end up in a gay club after having a few drinks. It doesn’t take long for him to remember why he uses apps in the first place. He watches the dance floor from his spot, half-listening to what his companions are saying, and what he sees hardly deserves to be called dancing. Yifan isn’t the best dancer, he blames his height for that, and he thinks that grinding and humping should stay in the bedroom (or sometimes a bathroom or maybe a changing room even), not where everyone can see it. He scoffs, when he sees the couple closest to them start to make out on the dance floor, shamelessly groping each other. It might be that he is in an exceptionally sour mood, because he hasn’t been sleeping well. His mind keeps replaying Tao’s heartbroken face every time he closes his eyes, and his mother isn’t helping either. Zitao’s slightly shy and cute personality won her over, and she pesters Yifan, asking for updates, their pictures or just pictures of his soulmate, because apparently Yifan isn’t a necessity anymore.  
Done with the sight, and his drink, Yifan excuses himself to go to the bathroom. He locks himself in one of the stalls and spends some time scrolling through his social media and answering emails. He doesn’t pay it any heed when someone comes in, it’s a busy club after all. But he does notice, when the person – or rather, two people, start grunting and moaning, obviously doing something more than just using the toilet. His face reddens, when the unmistakable wet sound of someone being sucked off reaches his ears. At least they aren’t fucking. He really should leave, but he stays put out of curiosity, listening to the couple, his own pants slightly tight in the crotch area. Judging from the noises and little praises, the giver knows what he is doing.  
It goes on for a while, before one of the guys comes, and thankfully he doesn’t seem to reciprocate. Yifan waits for a bit after he hears the main door slam closed, before leaving his stall. He doesn’t expect anyone to be in the bathroom still, and he most definitely doesn’t expect to see a slightly disheveled Zitao, whose lips are obscenely swollen. Yifan can’t help it, he looks down to Tao’s crotch, throat suddenly dry when he sees the obvious outline of his soulmate’s hard cock.  
No words are exchanged.  
He is still slightly stunned when he gets home, and it’s only day later that he realizes he could use it to his advantage. No one, not even Lotte, would defend Tao, if Yifan told them about the club encounter. He could pretend to be devastated, spin the story to make his soulmate seem like a heartless bastard. But it takes him only a few seconds to discard that idea, he is not going to stoop so low. Zitao doesn’t deserve it, even if the whole thing doesn’t sit right with Yifan, a part of him believed that Tao is still a virgin, but he can’t judge the younger man. After all, he does he exact same thing.  
Instead of ending their relationship for good, he gets the prettiest flowers he can find, buys food from his favorite Italian restaurant, and goes to Tao’s place to apologize. Again. For some reason, his hands are shaking when he knocks on Zitao’s door, but it goes better than expected. Better, than he deserves, a voice in his head, which sounds a lot like Lotte, tells him.

The third time he hurts Zitao, it’s both physical and emotional.  
He starts to hang out with his soulmate, partially because Lotte is too perceptive for her (and his) own good, and she asks many questions about Tao to which Yifan doesn’t know the answers. She spends a lot of time with Zitao, and he really doesn’t want Chanyeol to know the truth. However, there is also something else. Yifan doesn’t have many close friends, and most of them already have soulmates. Sometimes, it gets lonely. Instead of making new friends, which he finds difficult, he reaches out to someone who is already there. Tao is incredibly easy to be around, maybe slightly whiny and childish at times, but reliable and friendly at the same time.  
He wonders if he is being unfair, he can see that his soulmate is falling in love with him, and yet he still does it, despite not returning Zitao’s feelings. Or maybe Tao appreciates it, knowing that it’s the only thing he can ever get from Yifan.  
Only that’s not true. The more time they spend together, the harder it gets for Yifan to keep his hands to himself. He mastered separating love from sex years ago, and it wouldn’t have to mean anything to him. If only Zitao could do the same… He keeps thinking about Tao’s flushed cheeks and plump lips, imagines himself coming all over that stupidly cute face while he jerks off. He should get laid, but he doesn’t bother with logging into one of the apps he has on his phone. Instead, he wonders if Tao’s perky ass feels as good as it looks.  
He already knows that Zitao is sexually active, but he is taken aback when he discovers with whom he is doing it. One night, after a quick dinner with Chanyeol, he decides to visit his soulmate. It doesn’t even occur to him that the younger man might be busy, since he doesn’t seem to have any other friends than Lotte, and the girl is doing overtime. When a short, pale guy, who looks nothing like Tao, opens the door, Yifan almost thinks he somehow got the wrong address.  
“Who are you?” he asks rather rudely.  
The guy quirks an eyebrow at him, “You’re the one who knocked.”  
“And you’re not Zitao.”  
“No shit,” the guy scoffs, terribly sarcastic for someone so soft looking. He turns slightly and yells, “Baobei, some tall guy wants to see you.”  
_Baobei?_ Why is he calling his soulmate like that? And now that Yifan thinks of it, why is this person half naked?  
“Kris? What are you doing here?” Tao’s voice is slightly hoarse, and he looks like he got dressed in a hurry. The shirt definitely isn’t his, ending right above his navel.  
“I thought we could watch a movie.”  
“Ah. I’m a little busy now...”  
Yifan should apologize and leave, but something prompts him to say, “I can wait,” because he knows Tao won’t turn him down if he insists.  
“I... guess. Maybe you can wait in the living room, but...”  
“That’s fine,” he shoulders past the slightly shorter man and makes himself comfortable in the living room. Zitao brings him some juice before disappearing in the bedroom. He locks the door, and Yifan can hear some giggling before everything falls silent.  
Tao is inside no longer than fifteen minutes, but if Yifan listens hard enough, he thinks he can hear moans and whimpers. He pretends to be busy with his phone, when the door opens again and not one, but two guys leave the room and then the flat. Zitao doesn’t look like someone who would be interested in threesomes, but it only shows how little Yifan actually knows about his soulmate. When the younger man sits next to him on a couch, still slightly red either from embarrassment or exertion, Yifan catches a whiff of an unknown cologne. He subconsciously moves closer to smell Tao’s skin, and if he stopped to think about it, he would have realized how inappropriate it is. But he doesn’t. His nose almost touches the skin on Zitao’s neck, and he can feel the younger man shiver. He might be imagining things, but Tao smells like other men, like their sweat and release. Awful. Disgusting.  
“You should take a shower, I’ll set up a movie,” Yifan murmurs, deciding to keep his real thoughts private. He feels anxious, but it eases up when his soulmates comes out refreshed and smelling like orange body wash.  
“Are you… in a relationship with them?”  
“They are my friends, and sometimes we have sex.”  
“Are they a couple?”  
“They are soulmates.”  
Zitao explains everything, and Yifan never heard of anything like that before. To him, the whole soulmate business was always pretty straightforward, and any deviation from the norm had to mean something vile. But the relationship of Tao’s neighbors seems healthy. It’s not something Yifan could accept in his own life, but they took what destiny threw at them and made it work without hurting either of them. They also take care of Zitao, since Yifan can’t or maybe doesn’t want to do it, so he is in no position to criticize them anyway.  
Tao falls asleep halfway through the movie, leaning against him, and Yifan snaps a picture to send it to his mom. His finger hovers over the delete button, but he decides to keep it. His soulmate looks rather nice, and he likes pretty things.  
Yifan manages to officially meet Baekhyun and Sehun few days later. They are handsome enough, he supposes, but Tao could do better. They seem a little childish, but maybe that’s what his soulmate likes, he wouldn’t know.

There are certain perks to having Tao around. One is that he is really appreciative of things. On a whim, Yifan decides to bring him to work to show him around. Zitao is into fashion and beauty, so it’s a nice little present for him that costs nothing. Tao listens carefully, drinking in every word and praising Yifan for his knowledge.  
Yifan knows he is good at his job, but it feels good when someone else acknowledges it as well. He ends up mixing a small bottle of custom-made perfume for Tao. Something slightly sweeter and more floral than most men would prefer, but still manly enough not to be confused with women’s perfume. Not that it would be a problem, seeing as Zitao admitted to using a fragrance meant for women, but Yifan wanted to give it his own, signature touch. It’s an apology as well, for the way he handled one of their first conversations, unintentionally insulting the younger man and prattling on and on about Chanyeol like a fool. He writes down the scent notes, just in case the younger man wants him to recreate it later. It’s the first time he made anything for a friend, he mixed fragrances for his mom before, but it never occurred to him that he could do the same for his friends. He isn’t sure they would enjoy it the way Tao does, his soulmate can’t stop babbling about it and complimenting the smell, promising to wear it ever day. When strong arms wrap themselves around his waist, Yifan doesn’t fight it. He lets the younger man hug him, returns it for a brief moment, before taking a step back and pretending it didn’t feel right.  
The other perk is that Tao’s presence keeps Lotte occupied. They usually stick together when all four of them hang out, since they get along so well. And Yifan gets to talk to Chanyeol as much as he wants, without any interruptions. Just because he likes Lotte doesn’t mean he always wants her around.  
That doesn’t really explain why, instead of talking about one thing or another, Chanyeol and Yifan find themselves watching Lotte and Zitao work in the kitchen, as they sit in the living room, drinking coffee and waiting for food. This time, they are responsible for cleaning up after the meal, while their soulmates prepare it. Or, while Lotte cooks and Tao chops the ingredients. Yifan is convinced that Chanyeol is admiring Lotte, but at one point his friend tilts his head like a curious puppy, and Yifan follows his line of vision.  
“Why are you looking at Zitao’s ass?” he asks, trying to hide his distaste. Chanyeol flinches in surprise, not expecting Yifan to suddenly speak up, but his slightly greasy smile betrays the lack of regret.  
“You have to admit it’s a great ass. I wonder if it’s because of wushu, or if it’s something else? Lotte is amazing, but having a slightly bigger butt never hurt nobody, right? Is it as firm as it looks?”  
Yifan’s whole body goes rigid, he isn’t the best of liars, and while he can make a wild guess about Tao’s backside, he doesn’t know for sure.  
“How does it feel when you..?” Chanyeol stage-whispers, probably thinking that he is being sneaky, completely forgetting how well his voice carries in their apartment.  
“Stop being a pervert, Chanyeol,” Lotte scolds him from the kitchen. She sounds amused, and it’s one of those things Yifan doesn’t understand. He is possessive, not overly so, but he can’t imagine letting his partner fantasize or talk about other people like that.  
Few seconds later, Zitao’s yelp reaches them and Lotte says again, “Yeah, Tao’s butt is as amazing as it looks.”  
“Lemme check!” Chanyeol yells with enthusiasm, and Yifan watches his friend run to the kitchen to grope Tao’s ass. He takes a deep breath to calm himself, because he feels like hurting someone. He isn’t a violent person by nature, and all these feelings are completely foreign and scary to him. Especially since he has absolutely no idea who would be the recipient of his wrath. Suppressing anger isn’t easy, but the last thing he wants is to lash out at Tao again, so he does his best to minimize it. It helps that Lotte bought cake, it’s really hard to be angry with strawberries and cream in your mouth, and with Tao enjoying his slice almost too much with cheeks all puffed out and lips stretched into an adorable smile.  
His soulmate can eat a lot for someone this slim, and Yifan has to help him to the car after Tao claims to be too full to move on his own. Yifan’s hand seems to have a mind of its own, and it slides down to grip Zitao’s shapely ass. It is as firm as Lotte claimed, perfectly filling his hand. Yifan’s fingers are long, so long that they almost slip between the thighs, and Tao’s breath hitches, but he doesn’t pull away. Of course he doesn’t.  
Yifan feels his cock twitch in interest, telling him that it wouldn’t mind being buried between these buttocks. He gives one last squeeze, face slightly warm and probably red, before he releases Tao. He used to be great at controlling his urges, but now he gropes cute boys and gets unwanted erections in public places.  
“They weren’t lying, wushu worked magic on your ass.”  
“It’s squats, but you and your pancake ass wouldn’t know it.”

Yifan is in a pretty bad mood. He got turned down for a raise, his boss said he has to wait three more months before they will be able to discuss it, because the company can’t afford it at the moment. He knows that their company isn’t going through any major financial issues, and while he doesn’t need more money, he knows that he deserves a raise. He meets with Chanyeol and Lotte for dinner, and their exceptionally lovey-dovey behavior does nothing to ease his irritation. The fact that it’s been hours since he texted Tao and still hasn’t received an answer doesn’t help either. It’s nothing important, but Zitao always texts back, he doesn’t play any games, doesn’t make Yifan wait. And yet, it’s been almost six hours with no answer.  
They are in front of a restaurant, trying to decide if they want to go anywhere else, when Yifan spots a familiar figure across the street. Zitao isn’t alone, he is talking to a short guy, who looks pretty plain from a distance.  
“Oh, look, Tao!” Lotte chirps, ready to call him over.  
“Who is the other guy...” Yifan wonders aloud, but it’s not really meant to be a question.  
Surprisingly, Chanyeol knows the answer: “That’s Junmyeon, he is Tao’s boss.”  
They are standing awfully close to each another for them to be just workmates. As if to confirm his suspicions, Tao leans down and hugs the other man. Yifan chuckles dryly, wondering why is he even surprised. After all, his soulmate likes to fall into other men’s beds, even if they are already taken. Why wouldn’t he be fucking his own boss? At least Baekhyun and Sehun are attractive, Yifan can bet that the most attractive thing about Junmyeon is his fat wallet. Or maybe Tao is willing to fuck anything with a pulse – except for Yifan, that is, even though should be first on that list.  
He doesn’t want to talk to his soulmate at the moment, he would rather go home and stew in his own bitterness, but he is given no choice. Lotte calls out to Zitao, who bids his boss goodbye and quickly crosses the street, smiling brightly.  
Yifan completely loses control over his own mouth and spits out in Mandarin, “Another guy you’re fucking?”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“That guy you hugged, Chanyeol says he is your boss. That’s how you got your job?”  
Chanyeol and Lotte might not understand anything, but they can feel the tension rising between them.  
“What the fuck, Kris,” Tao switches to Korean, probably trying to worm his way out of the confrontation, but Yifan is on a roll, unable to stop if he wanted.  
“I should’ve guessed you’re a slut, just look at you,” he snarls. “Why do you even need a soulmate, if you are willing to spread your legs for just about anyone!”  
“At least I’m not pining after...” Yifan knows what Zitao is going to say, still in Korean, and he doesn’t let him finish. He panics, Chanyeol can’t know, _Lotte_ most definitely can’t know. He pushes Tao, successfully cutting him off, but underestimating his own strength at the same time. Zitao, not expecting the push, stumbles back into the car parked at the curb, banging his head against the metal and sliding down. Yifan doesn’t think he pushed him that hard, it’s probably shock more than anything, but the result is the same – Tao sitting on the ground, holding his head and staring at him with tears welling up in his eyes. He looks vulnerable and broken, and Yifan is the one who has done that.  
No one moves for a long while. Then, Zitao stands up and meticulously brushes the dirt off his black jeans. Once he is satisfied, he looks at Yifan again and hisses, “You are right, I don’t need someone like you in my life. Don’t call, don’t come to my house, I will call the police on you.”  
“Tao, I...”  
“Fuck off, _Kris_.”  
Zitao turns around without acknowledging anyone else and walks away. Yifan tries to follow him, but someone jerks him back. Chanyeol is holding his arm with a grim look on his face, while Lotte looks furious.  
“You really screwed up, Kris,” Chanyeol mutters, and Yifan has to laugh, probably looking like a maniac. They don’t even know the half of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be the last chapter, but my hand slipped, and I wrote like... 8k words more? So there will be one more chapter.

Zitao hardly remembers how he got home. He must have taken the bus, but all he remembers is crying like a child, probably terrifying other people around him, who did their best not come anywhere near him. He is in this situation because he cared too much, but no more. He has no idea what sins he has committed in his past life, but he is not going to let his soulmate walk all over him again.   
He takes a quick, cold shower to erase all traces of tears, puts on the first shirt he finds and pairs it with a tiny pair of briefs. It doesn’t matter, everything is going to come off in a second. He doesn’t wait long for Baekyhun to open the door, and he doesn’t wait for the invitation. Sehun is watching a movie on a laptop, so Tao closes it, ignoring Sehun’s objections, and tosses it aside.  
“Can I fuck you?”  
“What?”  
“I want to fuck you,” he doesn’t know how to say it without being too crude, although it really shouldn’t make a difference at this point. If Yifan thinks he is a slut, then Tao is going to be the biggest slut he’s ever seen.  
“Is everything alright? Are you upset?”  
“Everything is just peachy, now tell me, is that an option?”  
“Sure, you can fuck me, I don’t mind.”  
“Great. Baekhyun, you do me, while I do Sehun,” he commands, ignoring his friends’ worried looks.  
It feels good, everything is fine. Sehun is warm and tight, and it should be exhilarating, but for some reason Zitao can’t come. He enjoys being on top from time to time, Sehun’s hips move perfectly in rhythm with Baekhyun’s thrusts, and yet, it takes Tao ages to come, or at least it feels like that. When he finally comes, long after Baekhyun and Sehun, it’s lackluster and disappointing. He rolls off Sehun, quietly apologizing to the younger man for the discomfort he caused. They lie in silence for a while, Tao moves away slightly when Baekhyun tries to cuddle with him, not trying to be rude, but also not wanting to touch anyone at the moment.  
After twenty minutes or so, Sehun breaks the silence, “Are you ready to talk about what’s bothering you?”  
He doesn’t feel ready, but he knows he will never be truly ready, it’s too humiliating. However, Sehun and Baekhyun are the only people he can discuss it with, so he tells them everything, covering his face and pretending that he isn’t crying when he repeats Yifan’s exact words. He does feel better, lighter, once everything is out. Maybe a bit empty as well, but he got used to it even before he met his soulmate. When he tells them that Kris and Yifan are the same person, Sehun’s face twists into an ugly grimace. Sehun is a hothead, his anger is always honest, but quick to burn out and mostly fruitless. Baekhyun’s face doesn’t betray anything, but when he finally speaks, it’s because he has a plan. It involves a doctor who owns Baekhyun a favor, who would be willing to fake some more evidence for them, use the bruises Tao has from wushu and rough sex to prove Yifan’s abusive tendencies. Lotte and Chanyeol saw how aggressive his soulmate was, and at least Lotte should be willing to testify. Sehun and Baekhyun would as well. It sounds like a solid plan to severe the bond, but Zitao isn’t sure how he feels about it yet. Baekhyun tells him to sleep on it before he makes a final decision.  
There is a lot he needs to think about. Does he want Yifan gone from his life? Or rather, is he ready to let Yifan go? Is it going to make him happy? Can he be happy, if he stays with Baekhyun and Sehun, never experiencing romantic love again? So far, his soulmate brought him very little happiness and a sea of pain, so maybe it’s the best, the safest option to protect what’s left of his heart. He doesn’t want to hurt anymore.  
He doesn’t want to go home, even though he lives right next door, so he stays and no one comments on that. For two weeks, he falls asleep in his friends’ bed, healing slowly. He ignores Yifan’s calls, deletes his messages without reading and, as much as it pains him, texts Lotte to tell her that he needs to stay away from everyone who knows his soulmate.  
One day, he wakes up to the smell of freshly cooked bulgogi and Sehun waving a smartphone at him.  
“Hey, Taozi, look what I found. Something didn’t add up with Yifan. I mean, he is not asexual, so it didn’t make sense for him to ‘stay chaste’ while he waits for his friend to notice him, right?”  
“Um, Sehun, most people don’t need to fuck to survive,” Baekhyun sends Zitao an apologetic look.  
“Sure, but if he is as willing to grope Tao’s ass as Tao says, then it’s pretty obvious that he doesn’t shy away from physical contact. Anyway, I downloaded Grindr while Byun was cooking, created a fake account and looked for a ‘tall Chinese man living in Seoul’. Thank God he is so tall, because it didn’t take that long to find him. We matched pretty well, to my surprise. Anyway. He does have an account, and it’s very much active. If you are worried that you’re not worthy of him, think again. He can call you a slut all he wants, but the truth is he is worse. I downloaded two other popular gay apps, and he is there as well. So unless he posts pictures of his huge hands to show that he is going to be a great buddy for the pottery classes, I say he is looking for hookups.”  
“I don’t care,” Zitao stubbornly says, eyes glued to his knees.  
“Sure you don’t. That’s why your eyes are swollen all the time, and you only ever go out to work.”  
Tao shrugs, because really, what more is there to say? Sehun is right, there is no need to confirm it verbally.  
Zitao manages to, more or less, pull himself together and goes back to his own flat, not wanting to bother his friends anymore. His company isn’t exactly pleasant at the moment, no matter what they claim. He needs to reply to ChenChen’s email, but he doesn’t feel like feeding his friend half-lies, so once again he closes the tab without writing anything, and goes back to watching silly Chinese shows on his laptop.  
Maybe he should move back to China.   
He doesn’t think Yifan is going to come back to China anytime soon, but even if he does, Zitao will settle in Qingdao, and there is no way someone like Yifan would ever move there. He will have to leave his new friends behind, but ChenChen, his parents and grandparents are far more important than anyone else. He doesn’t even care if people will think that he is weak. After all, he is the only one who can protect himself.  
The most ridiculous thing about the whole situation is the fact that Yifan thought Zitao is sleeping with Junmyeon. His boss is a kind, handsome man who would be a perfect boyfriend, but he is also still mourning the loss of his soulmate. Junmyeon opened up to Tao because he was willing to listen, lend a shoulder to cry on and turn a blind eye to his boss showing up for work hangover and in yesterday’s clothes. Yifan doesn’t know any of it, even if he asked about it, Zitao wouldn’t have divulged Junmyeon’s secret, since it’s not his to tell. It hurts that his soulmate assumed the worst, that he slept with his boss to get a job, as if Tao isn’t good enough to get it on his own. Before Baekhyun and Sehun, he only had one sexual partner, and they were the ones who finally taught him about sex. If anything, they are the ones who could be labeled as sluts, but he really doesn’t understand why enjoying sex is considered indecent if you’re not hurting anyone. He never thought Yifan would be this close-minded, especially since he uses dating apps himself.  
Perhaps he doesn’t want Zitao to be with anyone because he can’t have Chanyeol. Tao hopes it’s not the case, he called Yifan cruel before, but he wants to believe that his destined partner isn’t that despicable.  
The pain and disappointment are so much worse because he felt that they were finally going in the right direction, since Yifan wanted to spend time with him. He even initiated their meetings, but Tao must have been reading things wrong. Maybe he was projecting his own desires onto the other man.  
Regretfully, he puts the perfume Yifan made for him in a box with various trinkets. In the future, he is probably going to cherish the memories it brings, but he is not going to use it anymore. He doesn’t want to smell like a lie.

Yifan stops calling and texting, but Tao is still surprised that he tried this long. He doesn’t want an apology, he already knows how empty Yifan’s apologies are. For a second, he considers writing an e-mail to Yifan’s mom, telling her the whole story from the very beginning, but he gives up on the idea almost as soon as it appears. Revenge is for the weak, and Zitao’s mother didn’t raise him to be weak.  
He takes Junmyeon out to dinner, because he refuses to let Yifan dictate his life. That, and his boss is good company, even if his eyes are always sad. Zitao knows that some things are out of his control, but he can still try to help Junmyeon heal. It’s probably a better use of his energy than trying to convince his soulmate to love him.  
Tao buys himself a nice, faux fur and dyes his hair blond. It’s slightly extravagant and raises a few eyebrows, but he is past caring. He doesn’t necessarily feel better, but he looks different, and that’s good enough for now. He also meets up with Lotte, and they carefully avoid anything related to his soulmate. It’s awkward at first, but it melts away after few minutes, and they fall back into easy banter. Before she leaves, Lotte hugs him tightly, clings to him really, muttering that everything is going to be alright. Zitao believes her, because he knows he is strong enough to move on some day.  
He is surprised to find a huge flower basket in front of his door. The smell of violet hyacinths in full bloom is insane, he isn’t sure his small flat can handle it, but they’re too beautiful to throw out. He finds a single, red rose in the middle of a flower arrangement – it clashes with other flowers, and Tao has no idea what it represents. He checks the tag, even though he already knows who sent it. Yifan’s ugly handwriting stares back at him. _I’m sorry._ Tao throws it out, but three hours later he finds himself rummaging through the trash can.  
The next basket he gets is filled with chocolate and other sweets, and this time the note says, _I never meant to hurt you._ He crumples the note in anger.  
When he sees the third basket, this time full of fine liquor, he starts wondering if Yifan really thinks that showering him with gifts is going to make Tao forget about his disgusting behavior.   
_Please let me explain. I promise it’s not what you think._   
This time, he doesn’t even pretend to throw it out. The note joins the other two in a drawer he decides to call “the drawer of shame”. It almost makes him laugh.  
“I think you should talk to him,” Baekhyun says, contentedly sipping aged whiskey with Sehun glued to his side. Zitao wasn’t sure if he should tell his friends about Yifan’s gifts, but in the end, it wasn’t his choice. Sehun saw the liquor basket before Tao and, being his nosy self, checked the sender. “If anything, you need a closure. Who knows, maybe he will surprise you. But let him come to you, not the other way round.”  
“Tell me when he does,” Sehun mutters darkly. “I will punch him for you.”  
“I can punch him myself.”  
“You would never. Besides, I want to do it, please?”  
Sehun is trying to act cute, but Zitao knows him too well to fall for that. The younger man does it only when he wants something, just like Tao, so he knows better than to give in. Sehun gets one thing right, Tao won’t ever hit Yifan. Punching people isn’t his style and, frankly speaking, he doesn’t want it to be. Even if his soulmate deserves it.

In the end, Sehun gets his punch.   
Zitao doesn’t text Yifan, and the gifts keep on coming as he waits. He starts writing an email to his family, finally revealing that he found his soulmate, but he keeps it as a draft, unsure of the ending. He might not send it at all, if he does end up coming back to China, but it’s almost ready.  
Five weeks after the fight, instead of another basket, Tao finds Yifan leaning against his door. His soulmate looks good, he always does, but his roots are showing and he is slightly thinner, dark shadows under his eyes. Zitao can’t help but worry, he hopes nothing bad happened to Yifan’s mom or Chanyeol (although he suspects Lotte would tell him if it did). Before he can ask, Baekhyun and Sehun leave their apartment, as always bickering about something. They notice him standing by the elevator, follow his gaze and then... Sehun sees his chance. He takes it without any hesitation, throwing himself at Yifan and punching him square in the face, twice. His technique is good for someone with no martial arts experience, but he lets Baekhyun pull him away easily enough, cursing at Yifan the whole time. He does it in two languages too, because Zitao is bad influence. Tao needs to stifle a laugh, it would be inappropriate, but his soulmate is furrowing his thick eyebrows in confusion, and the whole thing is ridiculously amusing.  
“Should we stay with you?” Baekhyun asks softly, but Zitao immediately refuses. He doesn’t need to be protected, he isn’t a baby. Sehun manages to sneak in one last kick before Baekhyun drags him towards the elevator.  
Yifan waits for them to leave before speaking, “Can we talk?”  
“I guess, since you’re already here...”  
Yifan follows him inside the flat, staying close but not touching Tao, which he is grateful for. He isn’t sure he can handle it at the moment.  
“Is everything alright?”  
“What?”  
“You seem… tired. Did something happen? Is everything alright with your mom? Chanyeol?”  
“I… Yes,” his soulmate stares at him with an unreadable expression on his face. “God, you are so lovely, always worrying about other people. Nothing happened, everyone is fine. I’m not sleeping well, but that’s my own fault. I came to apologize and show you something.”  
Yifan pulls out his phone and shoves it into Tao’s hands, “Check the camera roll, from the oldest to the latest picture.”  
Zitao suspects Yifan’s phone is full of Chanyeol’s pictures, and it’s the last thing he wants to see. The way you photograph someone says a lot about your feelings for the person, it always reveals your deepest feelings, no matter how hard you try to hide them.   
His hands shake as he starts scrolling. There are some pictures of food, nature and Yifan, but at first it’s mainly Chanyeol – smiling, laughing, staring into the distance or posing like a real model. Tao can feel tears pricking his eyes, but he continues looking through the pictures. Lotte is in three, maybe four pictures, always in the background, barely in focus.  
It’s too much for Zitao.  
Halfway through the roll, he starts to notice a change. At the start, it was really obvious that Yifan kept the best pictures of his crush, Chanyeol looks either hot or sexy in older photos. Then, something changed. There are pictures of Chanyeol goofing around or eating like a slob, sauce smeared around his mouth. That’s when pictures of Tao slowly start to appear. Most of the time, he wasn’t even aware that Yifan was photographing him. They took couple selfies for Yifan’s mom, but everything else is new to him.  
“Mom wanted me to send her some pictures of you, so I would take them while you weren’t paying attention. I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want you to read too much into it, or so I thought. I could have deleted them, but for some reason… I always ended up keeping all of them, just in case.”  
“In case what?”  
“I don’t know either, but it was a good excuse. Maybe my mom would want to see them on my phone later? Silly, isn’t it?”  
It is rather silly, and Tao doesn’t understand anything.  
“Here, let me show you my favorite picture of yours.”  
Instead of taking the phone, Yifan wraps his big hand around Zitao’s smaller one and quickly scrolls through the pictures, until he finds what he is looking for. In the picture, Tao is looking up at a sparrow with a small smile on his lips. He looks good, handsome even, his skin glowing and eyes shining with happiness. He remembers it. The sparrow was round and fluffy, cute little thing that most people take for granted.  
“You are so beautiful, stunning. And I… I care for you a lot. I tried to push you away, hurt you. I thought that I have to stay loyal to Chanyeol, even though I don’t owe him anything. Even though _he_ doesn’t want anything from me. I kept telling myself that the connection between us can’t be real because our names are already tattooed on our bodies, but you’re the realest person I’ve ever met. You have to understand that I always rejected the idea of soulmates, so how could I fall for you? It didn’t make sense to me, and I stubbornly clung to Chanyeol. But I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I thought about you leaving, it’s so easy to leave in our world, moving away without telling me, and I realized I can’t stand to even think about it.”  
“Why would you call me a slut then? Why did you say all those horrible things, if you have feelings for me?”  
“I was jealous. About this fucking… this man touching you so freely, when I couldn’t do it. When _I_ wouldn’t let myself do it. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve done in my life, I realize that now. I thought about it after you left, spent a lot of time with Chanyeol. And you know what? I don’t feel anything when I look at him anymore. We are still best friends, but there is no longing, no pain when I look at him and Lotte. No, that’s a lie. It hurts, because I can’t do the same with you.”  
Despite his words, Yifan is hugging him from behind. He moved so slowly, so imperceptibly, that Tao didn’t notice until it was too late. The last time someone was able to embrace him so fully was years ago, when he was thirteen, maybe fourteen, and didn’t hit the growth spurt yet. After that, he was too tall, too big for his family and friends. He took over the role then, making sure that his arms were always a safe place when they needed it. He didn’t realize how much he missed it until his soulmate hugged him.  
Yifan is slightly bigger than him, his shoulders wider, and Tao instinctively relaxes in his hold. Yifan starts rocking him gently to calm him further, and whispers in his ear, “I got my priorities straight, I swear. I won’t hurt you again, didi.”  
They stay like this for a while longer, it’s the closest they’ve ever been, and Zitao discovers how weak he is for his soulmate’s scent and his solid body.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait until Wednesday, but since it's already done, then why the hell wait. Here is the last chapter, enjoy!
> 
> ~~(I misspelled Junmyeon's name at least three times while writing this, I'm hopeless.)~~

Loving Yifan is not difficult at all. Trusting him though, that’s a different thing entirely.  
His soulmate is trying, there is no denying it, he seems genuine in his affection, but Tao isn’t entirely sure it’s going to last. That, and he worries Yifan is still in love with Chanyeol. He should test it, meet up with Chanyeol, just the three of them without Lotte, but he is also afraid of the truth. Yifan did go with him through the pictures of Chanyeol, deleting the ones Zitao isn’t comfortable with, but he might have a backup somewhere. It would make sense, Tao has most of his pictures saved on his laptop as well. It bothers him, but, as long as he doesn’t ask, he can pretend to fully believe his soulmate.  
Yifan is surprisingly sweet. Zitao saw glimpses of it before, when they were with Chanyeol, but it still surprises him when Yifan insists on holding hands every time they are out or sends him texts before going to sleep and right after waking up. He even goes as far as to orchestrate their first kiss, taking Tao to a flower garden and kissing him breathless under the rose pergola.  
They don’t hang out with Chanyeol, not yet, but Zitao invites Sehun and Baekhyun over. It’s deliberate, maybe a little cruel. Sehun punches Yifan again, reminding the older man that he hurt Tao more than once, but then almost acts like nothing happened. Almost, because both Sehun and Baekhyun rub in Yifan’s face how close and comfortable they are with Tao. They touch him freely, hands staying above the waist, but aggravating his soulmate all the same. His smile is strained, never reaching his eyes, but the conversation flows smoothly, despite Baekhyun’s verbal jabs every now and then. There is a friendship potential, Tao thinks, but it’s going to take a lot of hard work on all sides.   
“You call Baekhyun ‘hyung’,” Yifan offhandedly comments after his friends leave. He isn’t looking at Zitao, trying to seem uninterested.  
“He is older.”  
“I’m older as well, but you don’t call me ‘gege’.”  
“It’s also a bit intimate, isn’t it..?”  
“And I’m your soulmate,” Yifan’s voice is soft. He turns slightly to nip at Tao’s ear, sending a shiver down his spine. “Call me ‘gege’, Taozi.”  
“Gege...” he obediently whispers.  
Yifan leaves few minutes later, and Tao pretends he doesn’t notice how hard his soulmate is in his pants to spare him the embarrassment.   
Belatedly, Zitao realizes Yifan thinks he is still sleeping with his friends, or at least he intends to do it in the future. He could wait and see what his soulmate decides to do about it, but it’s not going to make their relationship any better. Both of them have to make an effort to make it work.

_From: Tao_  
Gege… I’m not sleeping with Baekhyun and Sehunnie anymore.

_From: Kris_  
I’m not asking you to choose.

For a second, Zitao wonders if it’s because the older man doesn’t care, but Yifan seemed jealous before, so it can’t be that. He is giving Tao space, except Tao doesn’t need it.

_From: Tao_  
Still. I’m not.

_From: Kris_  
Thank you, baby.

Zitao smiles stupidly at his phone, finger hovering over his soulmate’s name. He finally makes up his mind, quickly changing _Kris_ to _Yifan-ge_. He is yet to call his soulmate that to his face, but he’d rather take baby steps than burn himself. It might seem silly, but his soulmate introduced himself as Kris, since he didn’t want to be Tao’s _Yifan_ , so he has to prove himself first.  
Tao finishes the email to his family, carefully choosing the right words. He doesn’t mention everything, he knows that his parents would never forgive his soulmate if Zitao told them the truth. But he doesn’t overly sugarcoat it either. It’s not the end of their story yet, but it it feels right to share it now, rather than later. He writes it with Yifan reading a book next to him, completely oblivious to what Tao is doing on his phone. He finally hits send, feeling the weight lift off his shoulders. He is an only child, and the bond he shares with his parents is, perhaps, a little too strong. It’s not an obstacle in any way, but it makes him uncomfortable when he hides things from them. His mood improved, he lets himself cuddle up to Yifan, putting his hand on a book and covering the page. His soulmate huffs, but he still gives Tao the attention he wants.  
“Do you want to stay the night, gege?”  
Yifan’s stare turns sharp and, if Zitao is reading him right, slightly aroused.  
“N...not for sex,” he stutters, mentally berating himself. He knows sex, he’s done it many times, there is no need to be shy about it. Maybe it’s Yifan’s hungry, piercing gaze that makes him blush like a virgin. “Just stay with me, sleep.”  
It feels incredibly intimate, Yifan taking a shower in his bathroom, borrowing Tao’s clothes that don’t fit him quite right, the shirt hugging his shoulders too tight. Zitao, as a good host, showers after his guest, the bathroom all steamed up and pleasantly warm. He feels giddy as he stands under a spray, touching his body more so than actually washing himself. He is feeling slightly naughty, cock twitching in interest. It would be so bad to masturbate with Yifan so close, but he _wants_.  
He doesn’t do it, abandoning the idea last minute, hand already cupping his dick. If he is not going to have sex with Yifan yet, then it would be too mean to tempt him like that.  
There is not an ounce of fat on Yifan’s body, but it feels amazing when he spoons Tao from behind. He doesn’t remember the last time he was the small spoon, but he doesn’t get to dwell on it, falling asleep almost immediately. He didn’t take Yifan for a cuddler, but he isn’t going to complain.  
When Zitao wakes up, he is alone. He assumes his soulmate left him, it’s automatic. But Yifan is preparing breakfast in the kitchen, singing off-tune as he whisks the eggs. There’s already congee sitting on a table and, weirdly enough, pancakes.  
“You can cook?”  
“Yeah, my mother always told me I can’t be useless in the kitchen, both for myself and my soulmate.”  
“I’m pretty hopeless. I can do the easy stuff, don’t get me wrong, but I wouldn’t win any awards.”  
“That’s alright, I can cook for us.”

Yifan asks if he should tell Chanyeol about the feelings he used to have for him. Zitao says he needs to think about it, but he already made up his mind. There is no word that would cover the happiness he feels, but he doesn’t want Yifan to ruin his friendship with Chanyeol. He doesn’t think anything good can come out of his soulmate admitting that he pinned after Chanyeol for years. He could lose not only Chanyeol’s, but also Lotte’s trust, and it would most definitely put a huge strain on their future relationship. Tao wants Yifan to have friends he can depend on, he just doesn’t want Yifan to love them more than he loves Tao.   
Sehun, of course, thinks differently.  
“He hurt you so much, you should make him suffer as well. Don’t be a fucking bleeding heart.”  
“Did you know he is so savage when you were getting into this relationship?” Zitao asks Baekhyun, who gives him a half-hearted shrug. “Sehunnie, how are we supposed to create a healthy relationship, if we continue to hurt each other? I don’t hate him.”  
“I know, I just… I’m worried he is going to hurt you again.”  
“He is not getting any more chances, and he knows that. I know you probably think I’m naive, but I am not stupid.”  
“But how do you even know he loves you?” Sehun on a mission can be merciless. “I know he said he cares about you, but how much are his words worth? Maybe he just likes you for your body, he doesn’t have to love you to fuck you. He would have to be blind not to see how sexy you are.”  
This time, even Baekhyun flinches, moving closer to his soulmate as if he wants to physically refrain him from speaking.   
“It… hasn’t even crossed my mind, that he could be doing this for my body,” Tao quietly admits, unsure whether he is exceptionally gullible, or if Sehun is too distrustful. “But we are not having sex.”  
“What? At all? No blowjobs, no...”  
“Nothing. We didn’t do anything. I don’t feel comfortable enough in our relationship yet. He isn’t pushing it, though. Do you really think he would patiently wait just to fuck me? I might be sexy, but there are so many other guys who are hotter than me and who wouldn’t need to be convinced to sleep with him.”  
“I don’t know, baobei. What if...”  
“What if it’s both lust and love?” Baekhyun finally says, voice unexpectedly soft. “It could be both. After all, our Tao is so easy to love.”  
Zitao doesn’t disregard Sehun’s words just because they make him uncomfortable. Instead, he observes. Yifan finds him attractive, there is no questioning it. Sometimes, when Tao’s clothes are tighter or more revealing, he catches Yifan staring at him lustfully. But it doesn’t have to mean anything, Zitao fantasizes about his soulmate all the time, jerks off to his pictures and fingers himself thinking about Yifan’s elegant hands. It doesn’t diminish his feelings for the older man. Even though Yifan’s hands sometimes linger on his hips or thighs, he doesn’t try to force himself on Tao, and maybe that’s enough of a proof.  
He could discuss it with his soulmate, but he doesn’t think it would solve his problem. He can guess how the conversation would go. Yifan would try to reassure him that his intentions are pure, and Tao would still doubt him because words aren’t enough. Instead, Zitao goes to the only other friend in Seoul who is older by more than a year and, presumably, wiser. Junmyeon.  
Oh, how Yifan would hate it.  
In theory, Junmyeon pays someone to clean the dojo, and that includes the equipment. But for some reason, he also likes to do it himself every now and then, when he isn’t busy being a businessman. It might be his way of being useful, Tao thinks. Junmyeon doesn’t know any martial arts, but he admires them so much that he decided to open a dojo. He doesn’t seem to understand that being an owner is enough, he doesn’t need to do anything other than pay his employees and make sure nothing improper is happening behind the scenes. Tao appreciates the effort anyway, and helps the older man, even though he doesn’t really get paid for it. The only thing he gets out of it is good company, but he is far from complaining.  
“Tao, there is no such thing as complete certainty in any relationship. There are people who lie for most of their lives, it’s not something you can foresee. If you could, there would be no broken relationships. The only way to avoid this is to be alone. It works for some, but I got to know you quite well, and I honestly don’t think you are one of those people. You can’t obsess over it all the time, or you will drive Kris away. Sometimes, all you can do is take a leap of faith. I don’t know Kris, so I might be wrong, but he is putting a lot of effort into your relationship for someone who is after sex. And why would he be jealous of me? It doesn’t make much sense, it’s not like there is a limited amount of sex you can have. But, of course, he might be a vile, deceitful person as well. I’m afraid you won’t know until you sleep with him.”  
“I’m not sure you helped, hyung...”  
“I’m not sure either,” Junmyeon gives him a self-deprecating smile. “The one thing I know for sure is that you can’t be so pessimistic about your future with Kris. That’s not a good way to live. Even if things turn sour, you will always have some good memories to reflect on later in life.”  
After they finish, Junmyeon treats him to cake in a cafe close to the dojo. It’s both a thank you and an apology for not being able to help him better. Zitao accepts the cake, because no one in their right mind would turn down a free cake, but despite his earlier words, he still finds Junmyeon’s advice useful.  
He is going to let it go. He won’t let his fear sabotage his relationship with Yifan. It probably shouldn’t be as simple as it is, but he is tired of constantly doubting his soulmate. If Yifan leaves, then Tao will still have ChenChen, Sehun, Baekhyun, Lotte and Junmyeon to keep him grounded.   
If Yifan leaves, then at least Tao will be able to say that he gave his best. And that’s all he can do, isn’t it?

Yifan is supposed to come over after work, and Tao is running late. He had to, yet again, wait for someone’s parents, who didn’t even bother to call. They rarely ever do, expecting him to stay after work to keep an eye on their child. It started to frustrate him when he finally managed to get a social life.  
Usually, he showers at work, not wanting to gross people out on the way back, but there is no time. He rushes home, still in his sweatpants and a tank top, hoping that his soulmate will be late as well. He barely manages to close the door, before there is a knock on the door announcing Yifan’s arrival. For one, crazy second, he considers not opening the door, not wanting the other man to see him sweaty and nasty, but he discards the silly idea. It might be the first time Yifan will see him like that, but it most definitely won’t be the last.  
His soulmate looks great, as always, so Tao quickly apologizes for the state he is in, hoping he doesn’t smell too bad. But there is something other than disgust in Yifan’s eyes. The older man pushes him lightly, locks the door and drops to his knees. Baffled, Zitao tries to take a step back to put some distance between them, but Yifan grabs him by the hips to keep him in place.  
“What are you doing?”  
“You look so sexy, God, I can’t help myself, I’m sorry,” Yifan mutters hotly, before moving closer to nuzzle against Tao’s crotch, inhaling his scent.  
“I’m gross, let me take a shower real quick.”  
“No, please...”  
Even though Zitao doesn’t quite understand what’s going on, he would be lying if he said that he doesn’t enjoy how aroused his soulmate is. They never discussed their kinks before, so he didn’t know that a bit of sweat would literally bring Yifan to his knees. Tao can already feel his own interest grow, it’s impossible to stay indifferent with Yifan’s face so close to his cock.  
“You smell so good… is this okay?”  
Before Zitao can answer, the older man presses his open lips against the outline of his covered cock, mouthing and licking it through the fabric. Yifan removes one hand from Tao’s hips and moves it to his own crotch, giving his dick a hard squeeze.   
Tao wants to suggest they move to the bedroom, but there is something exhilarating about having his soulmate kneel in front of him in the hallway, almost completely at his mercy. He could push Yifan away, watch him whimper and squirm, but still respectfully back off, and it gives him a rush like no other. He is almost completely hard by the time he finally steps back, his sweats slightly damp at the front.  
“I think we need a bed.”  
Yifan is so eager, that Tao wonders if the older man is going to crawl all the way to the bed. He is a little bit disappointed when it doesn’t happen, but he isn’t given much time to cry over it, because his soulmate is quite eager to get him naked and does it during a very short walk to the bedroom, scattering his clothes all over the place. He then pushes Tao hard enough for him to fall on the bed and shamelessly strips himself. His moves lack finesse, but Zitao is still enraptured by every bit of skin that is revealed to him. It’s the first time they are seeing each other naked, and Tao’s mouth goes dry at the expanse of pale, unblemished skin he sees. His eyes are immediately drawn between Yifan’s legs, and he isn’t exactly proud of a needy whine that leaves his lips. His soulmate’s cock is as big and thick as he imagined in his wildest fantasies, and Tao’s own cock dribbles precum at a mere sight.  
“Baby,” Yifan’s voice is rougher and lower than usually, making Tao shiver. “Show… show me yourself.”  
Zitao doesn’t need to ask, he knows what Yifan wants from him, and he obeys eagerly, bending his legs and spreading them, showing off his dick and his tight hole.  
“Fuck, look at you,” Yifan drawls out with a smirk. “I’m going to make you feel so good, didi.”  
Once again, his soulmate kneels to be close enough to Tao’s cock to take it in his mouth. He easily swallows it all the way down, and Zitao’s whole body jerks violently, unprepared for the hot wetness that is Yifan’s mouth.   
Baekhyun has wicked mouth, but it doesn’t even compare to his soulmate’s enthusiasm. Yifan is licking him with almost obscene enjoyment, like he was born to do this, nose pressed against the underside of Zitao’s cock as he licks his heavy balls, sucking on them every now and then.  
“Lift your hips, baby,” Yifan orders, but he is already helping Tao do it and spreading his cheeks to have better access.  
Zitao tries to muffle his scream, biting into his forearm when his partner licks over his hole, before pushing his tongue inside. This part of him was always very sensitive, and Yifan’s tongue is long enough to reach just the right spots. Tao is aware that his moans are too high-pitched for a man, but he doesn’t care, he wants his soulmate to know how much he appreciates the effort and the skill. His quivering thighs might be giving him away as well, if a smirk he can _feel_ against his ass is any indication.  
He always knew that Yifan’s fingers are long, but they feel decidedly bigger than what he is used to once they finally breach him, two at once. He tries to squirm away at the initial burn, but Yifan wraps the other hand around his leg to keep him in place. He could use more lube, real lube, and yet he stays where Yifan wants him, spreading his legs even more to ease the discomfort. He gets rewarded with a sweet, little ‘good boy’ and a strong bite to his thigh.  
“I want to mark you all over,” his soulmate growls, continuing to bite and finger him at the same time. Zitao’s cock is so hard that he wants to weep, but his hand gets slapped away when he tries to touch himself.  
Yifan adds another finger, and it hurts. It hurts so much that Tao’s eyes water, but his cock still spits out more precum, confusing him. It seems that he no longer understands, or controls, his body. He is overwhelmed by Yifan’s relentless teasing, and when his partner finally rubs his prostate, he doesn’t manage to hold in a scream. He is sure that Sehun and Baekhyun can hear him, but he doesn’t care anymore. He needs to get fucked.  
“Give me your cock!”  
“Ask nicely.”  
“Please give me your fucking cock, or I’m going to kill you,” Tao seethes and blindingly reaches for lube, which he remembers putting in the bedside cabinet. He grabs a vibrator first and almost throws it at Yifan, just to show that he has other options. He refrains from doing that, finally finds what he is looking for and throws the lube instead. He can’t imagine taking a dick this thick on just spit and determination.  
Yifan pulls out his fingers, eyes glued to Tao’s hole. Zitao sneaks a hand down to touch it and finds it already gaping open, ready for something bigger.   
“Give me a condom as well, I haven’t been tested in a while. I didn’t fuck anyone after I met you, but I’d rather be careful.”  
Tao’s cheeks burn, because he didn’t even think about that. Sehun and Baekhyun are probably clean, but _probably_ is never enough. He rips the condom open and quickly rolls it down Yifan’s shaft, suddenly realizing that it’s the first time he touched it. He wants it in his throat, wants to choke on it, so he starts to lean down, but Yifan stops him.  
“Maybe later. I want to fuck your slutty hole now.”  
And Tao, like a true slut, falls back and moans, stomach burning with want. He watches Yifan spread lube all over his dick, breath quickening when his soulmate finally, _finally_ sits between his legs. He doesn’t add any more lube to Tao’s stretched hole, so Tao braces himself for some pain.  
He is right, the first push makes him wince and whine quietly as the fat head breaches him. He tries to relax his hips, but Yifan doesn’t stop until he is balls-deep in him. Only then does he still, face to face with Tao. They stare at each other for a while, their noses almost touching. Yifan’s eyes are filled with lust, but there is also warmth in them that takes Tao by surprise.  
“Can I move?” his soulmate whispers, receiving a small nod in response. The burning sensation is still present, but Zitao doesn’t mind. He enjoys being completely owned, the pain just adds to it. Yifan starts with agonizingly slow and deep thrusts that quickly leave Tao begging for _faster_ and _more_. His soulmate finally complies with a mischievous smile, rocking into him with more force. At the same time, he leans down to suck and bite Tao’s nipples until they’re puffy and tender.  
With every thrust, Yifan brushes against Zitao’s prostate with precision and experience. It sends jolts of pleasure through Tao’s body, and he tries to fuck back just as hard, to show that he also knows what he is doing. He doesn’t want to be completely submissive. That’s why he wraps his legs around Yifan’s hips and uses his strength to flip them over. He squeezes around his soulmates cock as he does that, and for a second forgets what he was going to do, too lost in pleasure to think. But it comes back quickly, Yifan’s cock is even deeper in him now, and he starts rocking his hips up and down, riding his soulmate until they are both breathless.   
Tao ignores his own cock, convinced he can come just from being fucked, but Yifan doesn’t. His fingers wrap around Tao’s hard length, pulling at it roughly, but stopping just before he comes.  
Zitao lets out a disappointed mewl, but continues his vigorous ride, liking the way his soulmate stares at him while Tao pleasures him. With mussed up hair and swollen, parted lips Yifan looks absolutely debauched and ready to come. Tao bounces few more times and then bears down, tightening his muscles and ripping an orgasm out of his soulmate. Yifan comes with a shout and a sharp thrust that almost pushes Tao over.  
Yifan is still hard when he flips them over again and starts jacking Zitao off, this time not stopping until Tao is coming. He bows down slightly to wrap his lips around the head of Zitao’s cock and swallows his release. Zitao has to push him away once he is spent, too sensitive to continue. Yifan finally pulls out and discards the condom, while Tao tries to force himself to stay awake.  
“I wish I could fuck your boy pussy raw and lick my come out of you,” Yifan says conversationally, voice still rough. If Tao wasn’t so tired, he would roll over and present his ass, but he won’t be able to get hard anytime soon.  
“Later,” he murmurs into a pillow, ignoring Yifan’s laugh.  
His soulmate lies down next to him, covers them both with a comforter and pushes Tao into his preferred position. Zitao ends up with his back pressed against Yifan’s chest, as always.  
He wakes up sore, and it takes him almost ten minutes to get up. Once he finally manages to get his legs to move he takes a quick shower and discovers that Yifan left a variety of colorful bruises on his thighs.   
Yifan. Did he go home already?  
Tao goes to the kitchen bracing himself for disappointment, but Yifan is there, making breakfast and whistling, as happy as any person who got laid can be. He looks good in Tao’s tiny kitchen, like he belongs. He greets Zitao with a smile and a kiss that’s absolutely filthy. They almost manage to eat breakfast, before Tao finds himself naked on a table, fucked from behind while trying to keep the plates from making a mess.

He expects a change, a climax of sorts, but nothing major happens. The only new thing is that most heavy make out sessions end in bed now, but other than that, Yifan acts exactly the same. He might be a bit more possessive, almost growling at men who stare at Tao too long – even when it’s obviously not sexual, but that’s it.   
Zitao is ashamed to admit that he avoids Baekhyun and Sehun for two and a half weeks, before the couple almost jumps him as he is trying to sneak inside his flat. He lies about being exceptionally busy, and they lie that they believe him. The truth is, he avoided them because he wanted to see if Yifan walks out of his life first. Sehun and Baekhyun aren’t a lifeline he can cling to every time something goes wrong.  
He doesn’t think he is out of danger yet, but he can’t avoid his friends forever. Even if he could, he doesn’t really want to anymore. Baekhyun grills him ruthlessly, wanting to know everything about his feelings and emotions, while Sehun focuses on the physical aspect.  
“Is his cock as huge as I think it is?” he asks, and Tao’s cheeks burn, but he confirms it with a nod. “Okay, but does he actually know how to use it, or should we give him some pointers? Is he able to satisfy you? Does he even know what a prostate is? Because some guys think it’s enough o have a big dick.”  
Zitao never discussed his sex life with another person so openly, and it’s surprisingly freeing. Baekhyun and Sehun are no strangers to any sexual practices, and their teasing is just that. Friendly, free of judgment teasing. Sehun still doesn’t seem entirely convinced Yifan is a decent man, but it’s not something Zitao can prove, nor does he want to. If Yifan wants his friends’ approval, then he will have to win it himself. It’s going to be far more difficult than winning Tao over, but Yifan knows that already.  
Facing his friends is relatively easy. Facing Chanyeol… Zitao doesn’t feel any more prepared than before he had sex with his soulmate, but he can see that Yifan is anxious to hang out with both him and Chanyeol, and there are only so many excuses Tao can make before his soulmate guesses the real reason. He finally agrees, making sure Lotte won’t be able to join them. He hates it, since Lotte quickly became one of his favorite people in the world, but without her Yifan might be more obvious in his feelings. They meet up at Yifan’s place to watch a game, Zitao isn’t big on football, but that’s not why he chose it. He makes sure his soulmate sits in the middle of a couch, between him and Chanyeol. This way, he can easily observe their interactions, and that’s what he focuses on, rather than watching the game. Chanyeol is really into it, and while Yifan prefers basketball, he also watches intently. Zitao is the only one who has no idea what’s going on, but the other two are too busy commenting on “offsides” and “lame strikers” to notice his blatant disinterest. He is pleased to see that Yifan only ever looks at his friend when they talk, he doesn’t sneak any forlorn glances at Chanyeol, and his hand stays on Tao’s leg the whole time.  
They have pasta for dinner, and Zitao finds it difficult to suppress laughter when Chanyeol chooses a spot where Yifan rimmed Tao just a few hours earlier. They cleaned up after, but he still finds it amusing and, judging by Yifan’s stupid little smile, he does as well.  
“We might go to China soon,” his soulmate announces out of blue, shocking Chanyeol and making Tao choke on a noodle. They haven’t discussed it. It didn’t come up in their conversations even once.  
“What? Why? Are you leaving me?” Chanyeol whines. It would be cute, if he wasn’t such a giant.  
“I think it would be best if I met Taozi’s parents face to face. And I know that Tao misses his family and Chinese friends a lot, even if he doesn’t talk about it often.”  
Their eyes meet, and Zitao sees everything Yifan isn’t saying. His soulmate knows that Tao’s parents were sent a very abridged version of how they got together, but it was enough to make them slightly apprehensive. They could Skype, like they did with Yifan’s mom, but the chance of it being enough is slim to none.  
“Okay, but you are kind of making it sound like you might stay there.”  
“It is a possibility.”  
“Yifan...” Tao says weakly, utterly confused.  
“If it’s going to make Zitao feel safer, then we might stay. It’s not really up to me anymore.”  
Yet again, Tao reads between the lines and, despite Chanyeol’s presence, he throws himself at his soulmate to hug him, which ultimately turns into a deep kiss. Chanyeol has a whole coughing fit before they finally separate.  
Two months later they find themselves on a plane to China. Yifan is already drooling on his shoulder, having fallen asleep the second the plane took off. Zitao is watching Seoul slowly disappear. He doesn’t he wants to move back to China, at least not yet, but he is happy to be given a choice. He messaged his mom and told her she can go pretty hard on Yifan, and he can’t wait to see his soulmate squirm, just like Tao squirmed every time Chanyeol was around before they solved their issues.


End file.
